Real Housewives of New Jersey

Ep.

Title

Air/Pub'l

Grade

Author

5-20
Weecap

Never Say Goodbye

Reunion: Part 2 - It's the final episode of the season, and the Housewives let bygones be bygones. Ha! No, just kidding, they all still hate each other.

10.13.2013
10.14.2013
B-

Potes

5-19
Weecap

Sharing Is Caring

Reunion: Part 1 - Teresa and Melissa still hate each other, and Dr. V. gives one more attempt at family therapy.

10.06.2013
10.07.2013
B

Potes

5-18
Weecap

A House Rebuilt

Salon, Farewell - It's the season finale, and Teresa finally admits to…listening…but not before she and Penny have an argument about how to pronounce "texts."

09.29.2013
09.30.2013
B+

Potes

55-17
Weecap

Penny Hater, We're Stuck on You

Hair We Go Again - Q: Was it Penny or Teresa who was the ultimate source behind the Melissa rumors? A: They're all idiots.

09.22.2013
09.23.2013
B

Angel Cohn

5-16
Weecap

Every Unhappy Family

The Blonde Drops a Bombshell - Just when it looks like the Gorgas and Giudices are back to being a happy family, Melissa and Joe "coincidentally" "run" "into" Penny, who has some news to share.

09.15.2013
09.16.2013
B

Potes

5-15
Weecap

Crooked Dicks and Clean Hearts

Zen Things I Hate About You - Juicy tells the poignant story of his father's dick stroke, and Miraval Resort takes things one step too far with "Zennis."

09.08.2013
09.09.2013
B

Potes

5-14
Weecap

Wyatt Explains It All

Horse Whisper to a Scream - "What are you feeling?" "Tendons."

09.01.2013
09.02.2013
A+

Potes

5-13
Weecap

A Chuckalina Full of Sparkles

Spaghetti Western and Meatballs - The gang goes to Arizona, where a medium very vaguely connects them with a few dead fathers, and they write stuff on paper and then burn it.

08.25.2013
08.26.2013
A-

Potes

5-12
Weecap

Penny Lame

Hair-Binger of Doom - In a Jan and Penny-centric episode, the only thing that can save us from utter despair is Milania sliding down a banister via her fake boobs.

08.18.2013
08.19.2013
C

Potes

5-11
Weecap

Trimming the Fat

Children of the Scorned - Jacqueline fulfills every woman's dream by getting a tummy tuck on camera and showing us two gruesome triangles of eliminated fatty skin, which Buffalo Bill will doubtlessly score on Ebay.

08.11.2013
08.12.2013
B

Potes

5-10
Weecap

Sizzle Tans

Best Frenemies Forever - Joe Gorga is shirtless on a billboard advertising an establishment called Sizzle Tans, for which Teresa also filmed a commercial. Spray that on your head and call it hair!

08.04.2013
08.05.2013
B-

Potes

5-9
Weecap

I Cry When I Wanna Cry

On Thin Giud-Ice - Dr. V. works her therapy magic, Juicy declares himself a secret softie, and we are reminded that Jacqueline exists.

07.28.2013
07.29.2013
B

Potes

5-8
Weecap

That's (The Opposite Of) Amore

Scum One, Scum All - Everyone has black crap all over them, and it turns out to be Joe Gorga's spray-on hair. All else is irrelevant.

07.22.2014
07.22.2013
B+

Potes

5-7
Weecap

All Work and No Play Makes Joe a Dullard

When Joes Collide - The Gorgas and Giudices and Wakiles check into The Overlook. Because the best way to solve family drama is with an axe.

07.14.2013
07.15.2013
A

Potes

5-6
Weecap

An Affair to Forget

Drinking with the Enemy - Exotic dancing class, rumors of an affair and lingering shots on Kim D.'s face make this the grodiest episode on record!

07.07.2013
07.08.2013
C-

Potes

5-5
Weecap

A Cramp in the Dick

Everything Is Coming Up Rosie - Rosie plays peacemaker, and pounds her fists a lot in the process. Just like Ghandi! Meanwhile, Al gives us the best quotable slogan since "What? Beefusses?"

06.30.2013
07.01.2013
B-

Potes

5-4
Weecap

I Work Out... Sorta

Gym Rats - In which we get to see a wide variety of workout techniques and a drunken Rosie.

06.23.2013
06.24.2013
C

Angel Cohn

5-3
Weecap

The Hairy Grille of Life

It’s My Party and I’ll Fight If I Want To - What? Beefusses?

06.16.2013
06.17.2013
B

Potes

5-2
Weecap

Rosie Explains It All

A Manzo of Her Word - Caroline and Teresa have their long-anticipated sit-down, and it's kind of dull. Meanwhile, it turns out that the Gorga house may not be selling because it's rather busted, and Rosie takes questions from all the guys about Sapphic practices.

06.09.2013
06.10.2013
B

Potes

5-1
Weecap

Here Comes the Story of the Hurricane

Garden State of Emergency - The trials and tribulations of those whose homes were destroyed in Hurricane Sandy are nothing compared to the riveting scheduling of a playdate that fills the entirety of this episode.

06.02.2013
06.03.2013
B-

Potes

4-23
Weecap

Reunited and It Feels So Bad

Reunion Part 3 - And finally we have the answer to which cast member was a stripper. Hint: it's the one who likes to show his penis all the time.

10.14.2012
10.15.2012
B+

Potes

4-22
Weecap

Pretty Pretenders, Negligent Vendors

Reunion Part 2 - Oh God (and/or Andy Cohen), please make it stop.

10.07.2012
10.08.2012
C+

Potes

4-21
Weecap

After the Glitter Fades

Reunion Part 1 - There's one very touching montage where Jacqueline talks about her autistic son, and then everything else is a shitshow beyond comprehension.

09.30.2012
10.01.2012
B+

Potes

4-20
Weecap

Strip Sliding Away

Strip Down Memory Lane - It's part two of the finale, and still no one really cares whether or not Melissa was a stripper. Also, though it did not seem possible, Teresa manages to find a way to make everyone hate her even more.

09.23.2012
09.24.2012
C

Potes

4-19
Weecap

Dancing in the Dark

A Bald Canary Sings - A whole lot of drama surrounds the question: Who even cares if Melissa Gorga was an exotic dancer for nine months?

09.16.2012
09.17.2012
B+

Potes

4-18
Weecap

Stabellini

Dinasty of Denial - Dina Manzo makes an appearance to officially declare herself Team Teresa.

09.09.2012
09.10.2012
B

Potes

4-17
Weecap

Toast and Jam

Hot Tub of Sour Grapes - It's Caroline versus Teresa Round One Million! And this time it's not at all about cookbooks and tabloids! Ha, just kidding, it totally is.

08.26.2012
08.27.2012
C+

Potes

4-16
Weecap

The Grapes of Wrath

Whine Country - Once you see Teresa desperately trying to convince Juicy to have sex with her in a vineyard, you can't un-see it.

08.19.2012
08.20.2012
F

Potes

4-15
Weecap

The Not So Great Outdoors

If This RV Is a Rockin' - The NJ crew moves to their second vacation locale, where there's a demented lunatic loose in the woods! Oh wait, it's just Joe Giudice.

08.12.2012
08.13.2012
B

Potes

4-14
Weecap

Happy Campers

Pack Your Baggage - Bravo sends the entire cast to the most boring RV park on earth, and STILL there is no real conflict! Someone had to have gotten fired for this one.

07.29.2012
07.30.2012
B-

Potes

4-13
Weecap

Man Caved

Sit Down and Man Up - We learn the important lesson that when men fight, it's always about tools. Also, get ready for Italian-Mother-Dessert-Gate 2012.

07.22.2012
07.23.2012
B-

Potes

4-12
Weecap

Oh BLK Water, Keep on Rollin'

The Jersey Side Step - The various business and creative endeavors of the cast are on display, on display, on display.

07.15.2012
07.16.2012
B+

Potes

4-11
Weecap

If I Was Your Girlfriend

The Sniff Test - Albie has a girlfriend! Rosie has... a friend who may be a girlfriend! And we all learn what a Caface is.

07.08.2012
07.09.2012
B+

Potes

4-10
Weecap

Freudian Trip

Temporary Shrinkage - Think your job is bad? Well let us introduce you to the therapist who is counseling Teresa and Joe Gorga.

07.01.2012
07.02.2012
A-

Potes

4-9
Weecap

F@#$ It

Public Displays of Rejection - In which Joe Gorga calls us all losers who just sit there all day saying negative shit about someone on the Internet, and Jacqueline learns two words that will transform her life.

06.24.2012
06.25.2012
B+

Potes

4-8
Weecap

Friendly Fire

Best Friends for Never - Ladies and gentlemen: The ghost of Danielle Staub!

06.17.2012
06.18.2012
B+

Potes

4-7
Weecap

"You & Your Hat: Shut Up."

True Love, True Lies - Caroline and Teresa both do their best to make a gay wedding all about them; Joe Gorga throws himself a one-man foam party.

06.11.2012
06.12.2012
A+

Jacob Clifton

4-6
Weecap

LGBTQNJ

Uncivil Union - The Real Housewives of New Jersey are a living testament that it gets better, except when Joe Giudice is around.

06.03.2012
06.04.2012
B+

Potes

4-5
Weecap

Rotten Tomatoes

Spoiled Sports - One time everyone gets along, and stupid Gia ruins everything. Meanwhile, Juicy Joe continues to be the absolute worst.

05.20.2012
05.21.2012
B

Potes

4-4
Weecap

Hazy, Hot and Humorless

Drowning Pool - The Gorga Family Feud continues as it has for the past season and a half, and we learn that Caroline and Al's foreplay involves tickling.

05.13.2012
05.14.2012
B

Potes

5-3
Weecap

Far, Far Away

Third Eye Blind - We're done with the cookbook fighting and are now on to arguments about Teresa's comments about Melissa being a gold digger.

05.06.2012
05.07.2012
D

Rachel Stein

4-2
Weecap

That's a Spicy Meatball!

Pokerface - Joe Giudice attempts to grab Rich's nuts at Jacqueline's meatball party. Is there anything else you need to know?

04.29.2012
04.30.2012
A-

Potes

4-1
Weecap

Neither Fabulous Nor Delicious

High Tide, Low Blow - We pick up right where we left off: Everyone really hates Teresa, and Teresa does nothing to convince anyone to do otherwise.

04.22.2012
04.23.2012
C

Rachel Stein

3-21
Weecap

A Crazy-Ass Merry-Go-Round

Reunion, Part 2 - All the yelling and accusing and finger pointing that's fit to print! The Housewives discuss their bedrooms, Jacqueline and Bratshley, Caroline's rift with Dina, UnattendedGate, Christmas Eve 2010, Juicy's bigotry and drinking, and more.

10.23.2011
10.24.2011
D

Lady Lola

3-20
Weecap

A Whirlwind of Stupid

Reunion, Part 1 - If a Tre falls in the forest, does it make sound? Everyone hates Teresa. The ladies cover ChristeningGate 2011 and Teresa's embattled finances.

10.16.2011
10.17.2011
C-

Lady Lola

3-19
Weecap

Fabu-lash Out

Portrait of an Italian Family - All the families have reached a happy place, and things seem fine and dandy. Then Teresa's trash talk-filled "cookbook" comes out, and everything goes to pieces again.

10.09.2011
10.10.2011
C

Lady Lola

3-18
Weecap

On Display

An Inconvenient Truce - Just when you think the relationship between Teresa and Kathy is beyond repair, they go and fix it. (Reality TV is magical like that.) Also, the Manzo brothers have their black water launch party, and Melissa makes her singing-dancing debut.

10.02.2011
10.03.2011
C

Lady Lola

3-17
Weecap

Quit Yer Beachin'!

Get to the Punta! - The various families pack for approximately a third of the episode for their vacation to the Dominican Republic. Once there, it's a complete snoozefest in which Teresa's bikini fashion show and her epic overreaction to a comment by Kathy are the only developments approaching noteworthy.

09.18.2011
09.19.2011
D

Lady Lola

3-16
Weecap

Little Lady Sings the Blues

Singing in the Pain - The housewives and their families participate in a vaguely charitable 5K run, to which Juicy Joe brings sausage and wine. At seven in the morning. The Gorgas paint Hoboken (now renamed Joeboken) red with the Manzo boys, and Joe overshares about his downstairs grooming habits. Everyone attends the fifth birthday pizza party Teresa throws for Milania, and Gia takes the floor to sing a heartbreaking song.

09.11.2011
09.12.2011
B

Lady Lola

3-15
Weecap

Book Undermining

Black As Ink - Chris Laurita invites the Manzo boys into a new business venture as Lauren launches her cosmetics line. Juicy Joe Giudice issues endless threats against his brother-in-law, prompting Joe Gorga to hand down an ultimatum at Teresa's book signing.

08.28.2011
08.29.2011
B-

Lady Lola

3-14
Weecap

Ashley & Teresa: The Same Nasty Person

Belly Up & Up - Kathy starts seventeen new businesses while Ashley's ill-fated intervention threatens the world.

08.21.2011
08.22.2011
A+

Jacob Clifton

3-13
Weecap

Bratz-tervention

Child's Play No More - Melissa begins recording "On Display." Caroline takes her kids to the gym. Jacqueline invites Bratshley's father and stepmother to town for a disastrous attempt to get their daughter's life back on track.

08.14.2011
08.15.2011
B-

Lady Lola

3-12
Weecap

New Year's Babies

Auld Lang Syne for an Eye - The housewives try to go into a new year with a clean slate -- except for Teresa, who is now single-handedly driving every feud she has ever had or will have in the future.

08.07.2011
08.08.2011
C

Lady Lola

3-11
Weecap

It's Jesus's Birthday!

A Very Jersey Christmas - The families celebrate Christmas. For the Manzos that means wearing family unity jewelry and going to an Alexa Ray Joel concert. For the Gorgas and Giudices, that means unwrapping an obscene amount of presents and talking behind each other's backs. Gia throws up repeatedly, speaks for all us.

07.31.2011
08.01.2011
C

Lady Lola

3-10
Weecap

Second Degree Manzo Slaughter

There Arose Such a Clatter - Kim G. is dismissed from Melissa's party. Kathy and Teresa ready themselves for competing Christmas Eve parties. Bratshley continues to live up to her moniker. That Manzo boys designate Santa a lazy, classless bum.

07.24.2011
07.25.2011
C+

Lady Lola

3-9
Weecap

Party Animals

Twas the Fight Before Christmas - In which we learn that the "G" in Kim G. may, in fact, stand for "Grinch."

07.17.2011
07.18.2011
B-

Lady Lola

3-8
Weecap

A Very Guido Christmas

Holidazed and Confused - Jacqueline invites the Giudice-Gorga-Manzos to a holiday cocktail party. Lauren feels left out from her brothers' new lives. Kathy decides to put her restaurant opening on hold. Teresa and Juicy have their day in court.

07.10.2011
07.11.2011
B

Lady Lola

3-7
Weecap

No Country for Juicy Men

Teresa's Got a Gun - Teresa and Melissa vow to put their differences aside. Antonia has a dance recital. And high jinks ensue when the Giudices, Manzos, and Lauritas head up to the Catskills.

06.26.2011
06.27.2011
D

Lady Lola

3-6
Weecap

Stank Face-Off

Whine and Dine - Teresa has not one, but two sit-downs. Caroline tries her hand at radio hosting.

06.19.2011
06.20.2011
B-

Lady Lola

3-5
Weecap

GymNasty

Stick It - Tension flares between Joe and Teresa at Gia's gymnastics meet. Bratshley gets a new car. Caroline explores a new career path.

06.12.2011
06.13.2011
C

Lady Lola

3-4
Weecap

Overcooked Turkeys

Gobblefellas - There's very little to be thankful for in this bone-dry Turkey Day episode.

06.06.2011
06.07.2011
D

Lady Lola

3-8
Weecap

The Right Ingredientses

Sealed with a Diss - Kathy pays an ill-advised visit to Caroline and gets a car (not from Caroline) for her troubles. Meanwhile, Teresa writes a letter to her brother, Joe, and we learn that his problem is that he's being poisoned from all the built-up semen in his body.

05.30.2011
05.31.2011
A

Potes

3-2
Weecap

Restitution Whores

Drop Dead Gorgas - Caroline lectures her way through another Posche fashion show, but the drama's a non-starter.

05.23.2011
05.24.2011
A+

Jacob Clifton

3-1
Weecap

Five Guys Named Joe

In the Name of the Father - We meet the newest housewives -- Teresa's sister-in-law Melissa and her cousin Kathy. The christening for Melissa's son turns into a riot when tempers flare between Teresa and her brother. The Manzo boys leave the nest. Bratshley has a job with Lizzie Grubman.

05.16.2011
05.17.2011
A

Lady Lola

2-18
Weecap

Hug it Out, Bitches.

Reunion, Part II - The Real Housewives of New Jersey wrap up the season with some screaming, some yelling, some hugging, and more Kim G. ass crack.

09.06.2010
09.07.2010
A+

LuluBates

2-17
Weecap

WTF.

Reunion - These bitches are crazy.

08.30.2010
08.31.2010
A+

LuluBates

2-16
Weecap

Long Live the Matriarchy

The Heads of Family Will Roll - Danielle learns a new word and uses it a lot during the season finale.

08.23.2010
08.24.2010
A+

LuluBates

2-15
Weecap

The Hills Have Eyes

The Hills Are Alive With Giudice - The Manzo, Giudice and Laurita clans wander the hills of Italy, but no one orders a hit, and Joe gets extradited back to the U.S.

08.16.2010
08.17.2010
A+

LuluBates

2-14
Weecap

The Housewives Take Italy

The Chanels of Venice - We finally get some payback for Mussolini.

08.09.2010
08.10.2010
A+

LuluBates

2-13
Weecap

Ain't No Party Like a Christening Party

Don't Drink the Holy Water - Teresa, being Teresa, throws the most extravagant party an infant's ever had, and Danielle's friendship with Kim G. comes to an explosive end.

08.02.2010
08.03.2010
A-

DeAnn Welker

2-12
Weecap

Party On, Wayne N.J.

Youth Will Be Served - It's Christine's Sweet Sixteen and Teresa's 10th wedding anniversary. Time to party down! But with more diamonds than cater waiters.

07.26.2010
07.27.2010
A+

LuluBates

2-11
Weecap

The Aftermath

Staub Wounds - While it is known that licking wounds is unsanitary, turns out it is also extremely boring to watch.

07.19.2010
07.20.2010
A+

LuluBates

2-10
Weecap

Smackdown

Country Clubbed - It's The Big Fight and the only thing missing is Stone Cold Steve Austin and a cage.

07.12.2010
07.13.2010
A+

LuluBates

2-9
Weecap

Kim Possible

Posche Spite - Is it possible for the Two Kims to be worse than the sum total of the housewives?

06.28.2010
06.29.2010
A+

LuluBates

2-8
Weecap

Bye-Bye, Deformed Boobs

Bubbies Gone Bad - Danielle stumps the best "breast revision surgeon" in the nation with her crazy-botched boobs, while Teresa hires a bitch to plan her a giant housewarming party.

06.21.2010
06.22.2010
C

DeAnn Welker

2-7
Weecap

The Unseeable

Play At Your Own Risk - My eyes! My eyes! My eyes! Also, Dina gets to quit. My eyes just want to.

06.14.2010
06.15.2010
A+

LuluBates

2-6
Weecap

To Be Continued

It's Not You, It's Me - Don't shush the square tit!

06.07.2010
06.08.2010
A+

LuluBates

2-5
Weecap

Into the Lion's Den

Into the Lion's Den - In a rather lackluster season, there is finally some dramaz.

05.31.2010
06.01.2010
A+

LuluBates

2-4
Weecap

Oh Baby

Babies, Bubbles, and Bubbies - In which Teresa has her baby and Joe stands around like a lump of canned ham. Also, Chris invents strip car washes.

05.24.2010
05.25.2010
A+

LuluBates

2-3
Weecap

Catty-Walk

Catty-Walk - Teresa and Danielle's daughters become STARS and love being STARS so very much that they cry and vomit until the episode ends.

05.17.2010
05.18.2010
C

Mindy Monez

2-2
Weecap

Fun with Meat

Generation Vexed - In which we learn about the Ham Game, but not nearly enough about chucking other cold cuts.

05.10.2010
05.11.2010
A+

LuluBates

2-1
Weecap

This is Why People Hate America

Water Under the Table - The prostitution whores are back with all new insults for each other and even more atrocities against taste and human decency.

05.03.2010
05.04.2010
A+

LuluBates

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