Real Housewives of New Jersey
Real Housewives of New Jersey

Episode Report Card
LuluBates: A+ | 897 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
WTF.

In the clips we see a lot of Danielle and Jailbird Danny's beautifully feathered hair. We also see Kim G. pretending she is totally down with hanging out with parolees from Danielle's past criminal enterprises. Also, Danielle's ass crack. Also also, the diner where Danielle lives. Andy asks about Danielle's relationship with Danny and Jacqueline starts making her trademark snide passive aggressive comments about how Danny WAS married and now he's not. Danielle confirms that Danny filed for divorce. Just guessing that his wife was a-okay with that. I mean, who wants to fight over hair products with her husband? Danielle explains that she hung out with Danny during taping and that was it. Like I said, I'm pretty sure he's suing her. Or she's suing him. Either way, they aren't exactly fornicating or getting Panini.

Andy asks Danielle about her reclaimed virginity and her potential muff muncher status. Danielle agrees that she reclaimed her virginity, for awhile, but then plays very coy about her relationship with "lesbian superstar" Lori Michaels, but despite Andy's best efforts, won't flat out say she's gone gay. Except she totally does. Jacqueline finds it all very entertaining. Danielle confirms that there are two sex tapes starring her. One is available for purchase online right now! Help pay Danielle's legal bills! Because she is defending a defamation suit regarding the other tape filmed by stand up guy, Steve, Teresa's friend. Jacqueline confesses that she totally watched Danielle's sex tape, which is ...weird. Right? Like would you watch a sex tape with someone you knew? I wouldn't.

Teresa starts asking all sorts of questions about Danielle's hair in the video, because that is what everyone looks at in a sex tape, and then harping on the fact that she read somewhere that Danielle made the video recently. After Danielle reiterates several times that it was years ago, but Teresa is still talking because she needs some attention now please, Danielle gets snappish. So Teresa calls her bitch a few times, but you can tell her heart's not really in it anymore. Then Andy asks what Danielle's daughters think of the sex tape. Oh come on, Andy, even Danielle wouldn't let her daughters watch her sex tape! Danielle takes it one step further and claims her daughters never watch the show except for one or two episodes they star in. Um that seems extremely unlikely. Caroline decides to take up this particular argument and beat it into the ground until Danielle calls uncle. Andy keeps harping on how hurtful this must be for Danielle's daughters, but Danielle won't really admit it, which is kind of sad because there is no doubt those girls need help.

Real Housewives of New Jersey

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