Andy reads a viewer question asking Teresa if she's seen any of the other Housewives since the fashion show. She says she's only seen Melissa, who came to Gia and Milania's birthday party. Lest you think that was nice, Teresa assures us that it was not and that, in fact, she had to find out that Melissa was coming from Hollywood.com. It was all for publicity, says Teresa. Melissa has her own version of that story, which is that she never RSVPs for Teresa's parties because it is a known fact that she'll be there. ORLY? Even now? Anyway, she was at a red carpet event (new strip club opening?) and a reporter asked her when she last saw Teresa, and Melissa said she was seeing her that weekend, and then Teresa told everyone that she RSVP'ed via Hollywood.com. See, the real problem here is that these ladies have exactly enough notoriety to be featured on Hollywood.com. That's the shit that they let destroy their family. Anyway, hate blah reow hiss hate Gorga hate stripper blah.
Andy Cohen attempts to take a break from all the Teresa drama by exploring how Jacqueline has taken pains to get Ashle(e)(y) back on track. This sadly entails a montage featuring Ashle(e)(y). We had a moment's hope when we learned that Ashle(e)(y) left her gas running for three days, but then it turned out that she was fine. Jacqueline reports that Ashle(e)(y) has a paying job now and that they are much closer, la di dah. Andy then reads a viewer question, asking about Jacqueline and Chris allegedly being $8 million in debt for an apparel bankruptcy, and fraudulently using private planes. Jacqueline denies it all, saying that she and Chris are not in personal bankruptcy. There was a business bankruptcy apparently, which Jacqueline says is completely different from the Giudice bankruptcy, which then of course sets Teresa off.
Also, apparently, Jacqueline is a compulsive tweeter. And truly, if you ever want to become even more depressed about humanity, follow any of the Real Housewives on Twitter. Carole Radziwill is the one notable exception. In any case, Jacqueline has said shit on Twitter about Teresa, which Jacqueline thinks is better than all of Teresa's shady behind-the-back talk, and then everyone is mad at everyone again. By "everyone is mad at everyone," really I mean that everyone is mad at Teresa and Teresa is mad at everyone. Throughout all of this, the real tragedy is Kathy Wakile's new nose. RIP, lovely distinctive nose, I am writing your eulogy as we speak.