Next, Andy asks Teresa if she meant the apology to all of the other Housewives that she gave via InTouch. Is that even a real question? The ladies all briefly get on Teresa for liberally using the c-word, and then Melissa says that she'd like Teresa to turn around because she's tired of talking to her extensions, and then Teresa says that she isn't wearing extensions, and then Melissa says that she did last year, and then Teresa says that she also wore glitter eyeshadow last year just like Melissa is wearing right now because she's a giant copycat. This is an actual thing that is happening!!!
Ugggh, and then they start talking about the fucking magazines again. How long until someone mentions the cookbook? As Caroline starts to bring up the fact that Teresa pimped out Gia for some sort of trashy article, Teresa wonders why Caroline knows so many (nationally published) things about her, and deduces that it must be because Caroline wants to be her. Jacqueline assures Teresa that nobody wants to be her, and Andy Cohen wisely decides to move on.
Then it's time to review Kathy's boring season. Desserts, kids, blah. The only thing that maintained our interest in Kathy throughout this time was her nose, and now that's gone too. Oh God, and remember the time when Richie said that she tasted like fish and gets it done? Ah yes, and then the cookbook. Pizzelle-gate 2012! Over the course of the season, Richie made some very nasty comments about Teresa, which Teresa simultaneously doesn't care about and formatted into an outline. Teresa does get five points for using the word "rip," as in, "It's okay for Richie Wakile to rip on Teresa." Kathy brings up the fact that Teresa accused Rich of being obsessed with her, and Teresa then gags, and Kathy points out that Teresa has no business talking such smack given that she is married to fucking Juicy Joe. One million points to Kathy for that. Teresa then suggests that they put both Juicy and Richie on a street corner and see to whom the ladies flock. She predicts that Juicy will pick up more girls. Jacqueline is all, "That's been proven," and Caroline actually tells her not to go there.