Real Housewives of New Jersey
Reunion Part 1

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After the Glitter Fades

And lo, just when we thought it would never end we are in scenic Atlantic City for Part 1 of the endless reunion of the Real Housewives of New Jersey. Andy Cohen is hosting, per usual, and mentions that these ladies have not all been together in the same room since the night before last year's reunion, which was also the Posche Fashion Show of Doom and Destruction. This is the sole reason why they are all still in the realm of the living. Andy introduces the Housewives one by one, and when he gets to Kathy he notes that she has a new nose and some plumper lips. I predict she will look like Jocelyn Wildenstein by Season 7. It's too bad, I actually loved her profile.

We are reminded that Jacqueline missed last year's reunion show, and then Andy notes specifically that Teresa and Jacqueline have not seen each other since the Posche Fashion Show. Much like the Honey Badger she so resembles, Teresa could not give two shits. And then we have the first of many flashback montages, in which we transition from Jacqueline's absence at the Season 3 reunion to the Posche show and the bald guy and the set-up accusations. Back in present truculent reunion times, Andy asks Jacqueline why she didn't show up at the last reunion. She says that the Posche shenanigans so disgusted her that she didn't want to do the show anymore. Apparently she was crying all night, as she is apparently wont to do. Caroline butts in to say that it was Teresa's accusations that Jacqueline was behind a set-up that caused her to go into breakdown mode, and Jacqueline agrees. And then Caroline and Jacqueline start talking over each other for a while, and the whole point of their cacophonous diatribes are that Teresa is evil, evil, evil. Shocking, I know.

Teresa says that she hasn't spoken to her brother since the Posche fashion show, and it's all because Jacqueline said that she was involved in the set-up against Melissa. Jacqueline butts in quickly to say that Teresa was, in fact, involved. Teresa's response is, "I wasn't. Prove it, bitch." Jacqueline says that a) Teresa asked her to do said dirty deed set-up at the beginning of the season; and b) She has a recording, which it is illegal to share, of a friend of Teresa's saying that she was involved. Teresa denies, but Melissa isn't buying it either. Teresa claims that Jacqueline had a breakdown post-Posche because she ruined a family. The general consensus is that if anyone ruined the Gorga family, it was Teresa herself. As Jacqueline goes on the attack, Teresa just sits there and nods (with, I may add, flawless hair) and says that Jacqueline was setting her up for the whole season. Oh, everyone, I am so very weary! We've already gone through 20 vitriolic episodes this season! And now here we are with no possibility of having Milania come out with a little comic relief. In this moment, we are all hookers and not cookers.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey

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