Oh my God, FINALLY we have made it to the reunion episodes of the fifth season of The Real Housewives of New Jersey. It is my birthday, and apparently my gift is the fact that this is a 90-minute episode. Thanks, universe. All of the ladies are with Andy Cohen, and seem relatively calm. Andy brings up the evil show that was last year's reunion, and asks everyone how they're doing with one another now. Jacqueline says that things are so much better, and it's crazy how so much can change in a year. She and Teresa are back in Lucy and Ethel mode, and hopefully that means that no one is going to have to speak about Joe Giudice bending his secretary over his desk.
Teresa no longer feels like everyone is against her, and says that the other women have been fairly supportive of her as she faces THIRTY FREAKING NINE counts of federal fraud. Andy asks the others if they were surprised about the charges, and Caroline says that while she knew there were issues she didn't understand the magnitude of them. Teresa says that what happened to her could happen to anyone. Um…could it, though? ANYONE? And then it's time for some viewer questions. Colby from New York wonders how Caroline feels about herself this season, particularly after realizing that she came off as a total hag in season four. Caroline thinks she should get a pat on the back for being less nasty, and Teresa gives her kudos while also managing to get in a dig about her age.
Andy lies that it's been an "interesting" year for Caroline, what with her Hoboken apartment and pig-owning sister. There's a montage, in which we are reminded that Al said "cramp in the dick," and revisit the Manzo children's fear that once Caroline and Al spent some time together they'd realize that they don't like each other all that much. We learn that the Manzos are back in Franklin Lakes full time now along with sister Franny. The pig is no longer around, because Franny has now become a rabbit hoarder.
Another fan notes that it hurt to hear Al tell Caroline to shut the fuck up in front of her kids. Caroline says she's not the type of person to let herself be belittled or abused, and that though she and Al fight a whole bunch, they'd die for each other. There's then a really weird conversation in which Caroline maybe says that Al cheated on her but also that he didn't. I'm not quite sure what all that's about, but Melissa says that she personally is the kind who would kill her husband if he was unfaithful. When she's asked about her position on spousal infidelity, Teresa says she does not think that Juicy cheated on her. One of the Juicy cheating rumors had to do with a babysitter/secretary, and this in fact was the incident that Jacqueline brought up last season (we don't get the exact footage of her talking about him bending said person over the desk, but it rings like an echo in the brain). When asked by Andy to explain why she brought that up, Jacqueline defers and says she crossed a line and doesn't want to talk about it further.