Real Housewives of New Jersey
Reunion, Part 1

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A Whirlwind of Stupid

Caroline drags in Melissa and Kathy, noting that Teresa also bashed them in the book. Teresa justifies it by saying that's how she felt at the time she was writing. See? Easy as that! If you feel something, write it in a way that it will always be at close reach. That way, you have fuel for your fire for the rest of your life. Bygone? Eff 'em! Melissa wonders why Teresa needs to attack everyone. Teresa says, once again, "It's funny!" Do you see anyone laughing, Tre?

Melissa mentions that it was Caroline's shoulder on which Teresa was crying when the Gorgas left her Thanksgiving dinner for the Wakiles'. Apropos of that, Andy harkens back to a blog Teresa wrote about how Caroline and Jacqueline were like family to her. He asks if they're still like family to her. She says no, they jumped ship. Caroline says the book was the icing on the cake. She admits regret over how she treated Melissa and Kathy based on what Teresa has to say about them. Teresa shoots back that she couldn't possibly have influenced the strong-minded Caroline Manzo, but Caroline acknowledges that she did, even ordering Caroline not to compliment Melissa. This is some ground-level biz, y'all. We're talkin' grimy.

Speaking of grimy, Andy brings up the shove heard 'round the world. He notes that it was motivated because Danielle dragged Teresa's family into the mix at the last reunion. Having seen how shabbily Teresa treated her family this season, the irony is inescapable. Long story short, Danielle was referencing Melissa and her youngest son Joey, and Andy wonders how Danielle would know about those comings-and-goings. Melissa admits that she had a Facebook conversation or two with Danielle. Because when I'm talking with virtual strangers on Facebook, I'm definitely going to bring up my family's dirty laundry? Who are these people?

Teresa deems the whole situation "sad" and claims she didn't know that the Gorgas were coming on to the show. Melissa counters that she was offered a role as a Housewife on Friday, and Teresa "threatened [her] life on a Sunday." She alleges that Teresa told her Caroline would take her down. Then comes a contender for the line of the night: "You told me I have a huge forehead, and the whole world's going to make fun of my forehead." Aren't we glad Melissa has Tyra Banks-level confidence? (How else can you explain the similarly ill-advised musical aspirations?) Teresa claims she was only speaking from her own experience, then Caroline chimes in another contender for line of the night: "You used to say to me, 'Did you see her face? She looks like a horse with her horse forehead.'" Teresa sputters, "Oh my god... okay." If you hadn't already noticed, Teresa's response to everyone accusations is to basically say, "I'm surrounded by crazy people!" Like everyone just made up everything that's happened over the past few months. Forget the fact that it was all well-documented on film (and I'm sure will continue to be in season four)... Forget the fact that Teresa's batshit bug eyes are the greatest tell of all... They are the delusional ones.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey

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