Real Housewives of New Jersey
Reunion Part 2

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Pretty Pretenders, Negligent Vendors

Previously on What the Fuck Is Wrong with These People, we all wondered what the fuck was wrong with these people. Also, RIP Kathy's original nose.

We enter where we left off last episode -- with women screaming. So very much screaming, everybody. And all at once! Kathy and Teresa invoked and insulted one another's parents, because they could not rest until a new all-time low had been reached. Those with Gorga blood are a driven bunch, continuously striving for excellence in horrorshow innovation. This line of parental denigration aroused the ire of Rosie, who was pacing backstage rather like a caged animal. She started yelling way louder than anyone else, with threats to cut out Teresa's tongue and kill her and the like. And you know, at this point, I think even Andy Cohen would be relieved if she carried out those threats. Caroline keeps trying to rationalize with Teresa and Kathy, to no avail. Eventually Teresa turns to Andy, imploring him to be the voice of reason, and he simply says that she and Kathy are now just trying to hurt each other. And then Teresa calls Kathy disgusting, and Kathy calls Teresa disgusting, and we all marvel that the collective IQ of the entire Gorga clan (including those who married in) is lower than a mild fever.

Meanwhile, backstage Lauren Manzo approaches Rosie and tells her to calm down, because if she freaks out, at the end of the day she'll be wrong. Rosie says that the digs Teresa takes at her deceased father make her want to rip Teresa's head open. Lauren tells her to imagine how her dad would want her to behave and Rosie promises to be calm... as long as Teresa does not bring up her father again. Even Teresa might not want to go on a trip to Fist City with Rosie, so hopefully we won't have to test that caveat. Back on the main stage, Caroline tells Teresa that this is 15 minutes of fame, and one day she's going to wake up and be alone. Teresa says that she won't be alone, because she has family. But not this family that's been screaming at her for a whole season. Come to think of it, if I were Teresa waking up alone would be a lovely change of pace.

On a related note, Melissa, who has remained relatively quiet for this reunion so far, decides that she wants to get in on the screaming action. She accuses Teresa of bashing her marriage, which Teresa denies. I mean, we all watched the show. Melissa is thrilled that Teresa is getting a taste of her own medicine, and then yells that she doesn't get to sit there and play victim. And you know why? Because Melissa is the victim. Or victims. She's so victimized that she's now a plurality. Teresa hasn't spoken to her brother Joe in a year, which she blames on Melissa. Melissa, of course, thinks Teresa is to blame for that. The Manzos sit there looking kind of disturbed, but also probably glad that they will never be considered the biggest lunatics on this show.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey

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