Previously on Neanderthal Theatre: All of us lost a bit of our dignity and faith in humanity, little by little, one week at a time. Are you happy now, Andy Cohen?
Oh! And I obviously can't get started with this, the blessed final recap of RHONJ Season Four, without first sending you to go watch The Real Dragwives, a shot-by-shot reenactment of an infamous scene from Real Housewives of Atlanta as performed by RuPaul's Drag Race veterans Latrice Royale and DiDa Ritz, and brought to you by TWoP veteran DJB! Watch it and tell all your friends, and maybe they'll make more! I'm thinking Raven as Teresa, and Mimi Imfurst as Caroline Manzo. Tatiana as Melissa Gorga? In any case, it's genius, and NeNe Leakes was born so that Latrice Royal could portray her.
Alas, we must move on from that thing of beauty to this thing of evil. The Jersey ladies are still on the couch, along with Juicy Joe. Andy reminds us that Caroline made some bold comments this season about Teresa and Joe's marriage. If you recall, she predicted that Juicy would go to the big house and Teresa would divorce him and capitalize on her own personal tragedy with a best-seller. Caroline starts to backpedal a bit, and Juicy interrupts to call her a know-it-all and a hater. But Caroline argues that she's not a hater -- she's just aggravated. Jacqueline jumps in to say that Juicy agreed with them about his wife for much of the season, and Juicy says that he's never agreed with anybody. Not anybody, once, ever! Actually, that could be a true statement.
Caroline claims that she would never comment on the state of their marriage, and that her remark was really about Teresa's tendency to bring her own dirty laundry straight to the press. Teresa denies that she does this, which leads to lots of eye rolls and some back and forth in which Jacqueline and Caroline claim that they too could be on the cover of In Touch or whatever but opt not to. Teresa does NOT believe that one bit. Andy then asks Juicy about his statement in Napa which indicated that he and Teresa do in fact sell their stories. As Juicy fumbles for words, Jacqueline tells him to try to remember the line that Teresa fed him. You know, because Tre is such a mastermind. Teresa interjects to say that Chris may control the Laurita bank, but Juicy does not control her money. Then Kathy tries to get a piece of this whole kerfluffle and Teresa and Juicy both basically have to tell her to shut up.