Real Housewives of New Jersey
Sealed with a Diss

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The Right Ingredientses

And then it's time for Jacqueline to get a psychic reading! Boy, the Real Housewives franchise is keeping psychics in business, with a little help from Mob Wives. Jacqueline's psychic is Tia Belle, who is no Allison Dubois. She has some kind of fucked up jester cat mask on her wall to add an air of authenticity. Jacqueline tells us that at first she was skeptical of Tia, but she turned out to be right a lot, so now Jacqueline is a believer. Maybe Ramona can go to Tia for a second opinion about whether Mario has a lady on the side. Anyway, Tia tells Jacqueline a bunch of stuff she already knows. Ashley is a rag. Teresa has some family problems. Jacqueline should be calm and nice to Teresa, because she otherwise has daggers all around. Tia has a TJ Maxx teapot and cup set in her china closet, too, which makes me discount everything that she says.

After a commercial break, Caroline, Jacqueline and their various family members help Albie and Christopher move into their new place. Well, most people help while Caroline supervises. Jacqueline and Chris give the boys a couch and a stripper pole. This is the moment at which, if Danielle Staub were still a cast member on this show, something disturbing and inappropriate would happen. Speaking of disturbing, if you've ever wondered what Caroline looks like in a pink feather boa, your moment has arrived. There's a knock on the door, and it's Albie's friend Greg, who is a college buddy. He has a tiny dog named Deloris, who wears a pink hoodie. Greg drops the info that he and Deloris will be living in the apartment as well, which is news to Caroline. Caroline is a staunch advocate of giving love to Deloris, but Albie is not a natural with the dogs. He is still maybe kind of my boyfriend though. I can't help it, he's straight-up cute. Deloris is impervious to Albie's charms, however. Pizza is delivered, champagne is poured in Dixie cups, and Caroline talks about how sad she's going to be without the boys at home. Lauren points out that she, too, is an entity. Caroline is not sure if she agrees. Lauren notes that she and Vito are maybe talking a little about moving in together at some point, and Albie says that Vito used to eat potato chips off of his bare stomach. Saves washing a dish, right? That's totally not a deterrent. Albie still has issues with the Vito/Lauren thing, though, clearly. Caroline tells her children that they may fight and argue, but they'll always be there for each other. And if they're not, she will kill them. If only Mama Gorga had such conviction! Caroline would never be brainwashed by the likes of Juicy Joe.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey

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