Teresa calls Melissa out for bringing up the past, then demands that she talk to Joe and bring him to Milania's birthday party. And I quote, "I expect him to be there." Caroline literally makes a sound like bomb exploding. Melissa points out that, given Juicy and Joe's recent exchange, maybe putting the two of them in the same room is a bad idea. Like caging two starving pit bulls, for example. Teresa says smugly (and completely incorrectly, I might add), "Well, I know my husband will behave. Make sure Joey behaves." Man, she's off-base. And the expression on Caroline's face as she shakes her head reads as such.

Teresa, abandoning the whole "the past is the past" thing apparently, tells Melissa that Joe called Juicy stupid during their little grade school text war. Melissa insists he didn't. They both say they saw the texts, yet they have two different perspectives on what happened. Then again, I wouldn't bet much on these two ladies' reading comprehension skills. Nor would Caroline, it seems, who says that what Teresa and Melissa really need is an injection of reality. They have so much hate built up between them that they've lost sight of reality. Alas, this is in an interview, so we're treated to some more provocative remarks from Teresa, who tells Melissa that her husband needs to "be a man." Because there's nothing an Italian New Jersey housewife loves to hear more than that her husband isn't 1000% man, right? Come on, Teresa! Caroline cringes at this remark. Then when Teresa says to Melissa that Juicy will be fine, Jacqueline mutters to Caroline, "Does she think he'll be fine?" Caroline smacks her. Ha!

Teresa hangs up to a heavy pause from Caroline and Jacqueline. Jacqueline's the first to pipe up, asking Teresa if she even heard anything. Caroline adds that she's exhausted from hearing that exchange. Teresa reports that it's always like that. Jacqueline suggests that Joe should come but leave if any tension arises. Teresa promises there won't be any tension and that everything will be fine. Do you realize the words that are coming out of your mouth, woman? Seriously, though, she literally just said two things that were the exact opposite of each other. In a row. While wearing a pink feather bolero. As your great aunt Ethel is wont to say, "Denial isn't just a river in Egypt." Caroline has dropped her head in submission at this point, and Jacqueline is eyeing Teresa in a combination of disbelief and can't-help-herself amusement.