Meanwhile, the Joeboken crew have made their way to a club, and Joe has perched himself on Greg's shoulders to announce, "Hid your kids, hide your wife because Joeboken's in town!" Once Greg finally gets that gorilla off his back, he goes to invite Melissa for a bathing suit buying bonding sesh. He thinks she should rock the heels with her bathing suits so she can look better than Teresa. Melissa replies cattily, "Whatever, that's like so easy." Greg laughs wickedly. Joe comes a-slurrin' over telling Greg he's the only guy who can "rub up on" Melissa. Then comes the creepy. He tells Greg, "Fondle her. I wanna see." Melissa shuts that idea down and turns her focus to finding Albie a club rat to hook up with. Joe joins the quest, saying, "Albie needs a girl that will throw pots at him. A spiceful [sic] girl. My wife may look innocent, but she's a beast. And I love it." As the shots flow, we learn that Joe calls his weenis Tarzan and that Tarzan is peen-scaped. That is all.

The next day, Teresa prepares Milania for her birthday. By which I mean she tries various outfits and accessories on Milania, who acts like a raging bitch about everything. When Milania insists on wearing a dress she's already worn before (God forbid!), Teresa says no, so Milania stomps her little knee-high high-topped self into the next room and flops down under the bed to have a crying jag. Teresa defines this behavior as "full of energy" and gives in to the five-year-old's terrorist-like demands. Though she thinks the princess pink tulle monstrosity is too fancy for the party, she can't help but squeal with excitement at how cute her daughter looks and say, "Princess Milania, I'm at your service." That's a way to teach a kid who's boss.

Teresa admits that the parties she's thrown for her children in the past have been extravagant. Now she's adopting an ideology that the extravagance in her kids' lives will be from love instead of money. As such, they're having Milania's party at Joe's pizzeria.. Having seen their Christmas celebrations, though, I'm thinking this strategy is going to go over like a lead balloon.

Bonus footage: Back in Joeboken, we learn that Greg had his first kiss (with a girl, mind you) before Albie did and that Greg would clean up if he were a straight man. (I think it's probably safe to assume he cleans up as a gay man as well.) Albie and Christopher ask if they immediately give off a straight vibe. Albie especially wonders because he has received some lewd Facebook messages. Christopher jokes that Greg should send out an e-mail to his "All the Gays" distribution list (surely they have such a thing, he suggests) to stop assuming. Albie deadpans, "This conversation is getting weird," then buries his face back in his drink.