Real Housewives of New Jersey
Singing in the Pain

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: B | Grade It Now!
Little Lady Sings the Blues

Teresa and Joe hug each other in a display of solidarity, and Teresa assures Gia that they love each other. Gia says tearfully, "Maybe you should start acting like it." She continues to cry, even while holding a cupcake. I don't know about your personal feelings about cupcakes, but that's rock bottom for me. Teresa promises everything will be fine with her brother and gives him a big, fake kiss on the cheek and starts squealing in exactly the way that Caroline was dismissing earlier. Joe asks, "You know why this kid's so good?" Teresa cuts him off, "She takes after me!" Joe comes back, "No, 'cause she has my heart." And, with that, even Gina's cry for help can be leveraged into bickering. Way to make it all about you, guys.

Demonstrating how wildly oblivious she really is, Teresa interviews, "I think Gia knows how hard I'm trying... so she definitely wanted my brother to hear the song." Yes, Teresa, that song was only about Joe. You are blameless. This is getting to SamRo 2.0 levels of toxic un-self-awareness. Teresa then launches into her squealing "everyone loves everyone!' bullshit, grabbing a Joe in each arm and saying over-sweetly how much she loves her two guys. Joe mutters in Italian, "Oh, Madon'! When can we leave?" Seeing that her public humiliation was all for naught, Gia nibbles morosely at her cupcake. That was the day this little girl became a woman. Forget menstruation. Forget intercourse. Only the crushing disappointment of reality (such as seeing what a petty, disingenuous, desperately flawed hag your mother actually is) can force a young girl to grow up. Apparently, Kathy has never grown up because she still holds hope that Punta Cana won't be a complete and utter disaster. It's worth noting that Rich does manage to press the two Joes faces together and get them to clasp hands for a picture without anyone getting punched. And, on a lighter note, Milania spends basically the rest of the party not to eat the cake because it will "hurt [her] feelings." Awesome.

Next week: NJ goes to the DR, and the surf isn't the only thing that's roiling as Kathy and Teresa have a major blow-out. Things get so bad that even Juicy tries to play peacemaker (albeit by telling everyone to shut the eff up). Why couldn't Bravo have sent these people to the Bermuda Triangle instead?

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Real Housewives of New Jersey




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