Back with the Giudices, Joe criticizes Teresa's driving. In turn, she really should criticize the alcoholism and idiocy that led to him losing his license. They land at America's oldest winery. Is that the actual name of the place? Or does this winery just not want its real name associated with the Giudice Fabellini empire? Winery marketing director Colleen Hughes greets Teresa and Joe, and they then meet with enologist Cesar Baeza. Enology, Cesar explains to a dead-eyed Teresa, is the science of winemaking. As Joe and Teresa talk to Cesar about what they're looking for, Teresa drops an "ingredientses" bomb. And yes, AutoCorrect, I meant to say "ingredientses." (AutoCorrect weeps.) Joe has lots of opinions about how peachy the bellini should be, and basically everyone in the room (and at home in the viewing audience) wants him to shut up. When will these ladies know to leave their disgusting husbands at home? As Joe talks about how he's able to drink this copious amount of bellinis because it's Thursday, and he's promised himself not to drink during the other weekdays. Colleen notes that it's a good thing that they've arranged a car to drive the Giudices home. This is why America's oldest winery (or America's Oldest Winery?) sent its marketing director along for this shitshow.
After a break, Melissa wonders whether she should get lip injections. Her makeup artist is all for it. I am for it if the injections are poisonous, and she kisses everyone on this show before kicking it herself. I want the final season of this show to be like Macbeth. Melissa is doing a photo shoot, and tries to convince us that there's ever a time when she doesn't want to be half-naked in front of the cameras. You know, she's typically so modest, which is why she makes orgasm noises while doing the shoot. Joe Gorga tells us that he loves it when his wife looks like a whore, which is something I think we've inferred pretty solidly over the course of our televisual relationship with him. As all over her stylists and photographers tell her to sex it up, Antonia looks on with a certain wave of trauma crossing her face. Melissa reminds us that she doesn't want to be a porn star, she wants to be a rock star. A little from column A, a little from column B.