Real Housewives of New Jersey
Spaghetti Western and Meatballs

Episode Report Card
Potes: A- | 11 USERS: B+
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A Chuckalina Full of Sparkles

The Wakiles are also packing, and Rich makes a comment about Kathy being cold at night, just like the great state of Arizona, as their kids laugh awkwardly. Victoria asks if they're excited to hang out with the others, and Richie says that he's looking forward to being with Kathy but the others can go to hell. Somewhere in Hoboken, Al wants to bone Caroline. He suggestively caresses her love handle, which is every woman's dream. Al is unsure that he's going to survive this trip, just like I am constantly unsure that I'm going to survive this season. WHEN WILL IT END, DEAR GOD. Caroline hopes that they can squirrel off for some time alone, where they can fondle each others' love handles in the cool desert night and "get to know each another again" as their love noises mingle with the sound of coyotes baying in the distance.

Teresa is packing her bathing suits, and insists on showing them to the kids. Gia is disgusted by a skimpy sequined bikini and then Milania asks the million dollar question: "Ew. Why your chuckalina full of sparkles?" When Teresa and Juicy go to jail, I totally volunteer to adopt Milania. Gia actually takes the bikini from her in an attempt to throw it in the garbage disposal, where it will suffer a more dignified fate than going up Teresa's butt at the hotel pool.

We then cut to Jacqueline and Chris shuffling their kids off to the babysitter so they can pack. Jacqueline wonders if she should bring heels, and Chris encourages her to be casual. She can't wear jeans given the recent tummy tuck, and when Chris tells her to wear sweats she asks if he knows who they're going with. Good God, woman, pack a casual dress and stop worrying about it. Jacqueline confesses that, though she didn't want Teresa back in her life, now that she's in it's actually kind of enjoyable. She seems sincere, says Jacqueline with puzzlement, but she also seemed sincere previously when she still secretly hated Jacqueline. Chris posits that both women are being pretty guarded about the possibility of entering into a friendship again. He thinks Jacqueline should put her best foot forward and hope for the same thing in return. If she doesn't get it, she can cry "fool me twice" and give up for good.

And then we're with the Gorgas, Giudices and Wakiles en route to Arizona. A home video shows Melissa eating a lemon for her sore throat, and Rosie contemplating leading a first class salsa dance session. Meanwhile, the Manzos and Lauritas are stuck in the airport with a broken plane. They're already tired and cranky, which bodes well for everything. On the ground in Arizona, Melissa tells us that she feels like she's coming down with something and Kathy yells at Richie for the first of I'm guessing one million times on the trip. Back in the Jersey airport, Caroline is losing patience with Jacqueline, who may or may not be crying like an infant.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey

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