Meanwhile, Melissa is wearing the shortest shorts known to man. Teresa notes that she doesn't want to look at Melissa's freaking ass all day, and that she might want to consider dressing appropriately. Albie and Chris sure seem to be enjoying it though. Jacqueline talks to Chris the elder about the whole texting situation, and Chris tells us that Jacqueline is very naïve about who is and isn't trustworthy. Danielle Staub: never forget! He doesn't want to see her hurt, and says he's there to prevent that from happening. The Wakiles then arrive with huge trays of desserts. Chris the younger tells us that Kathy is made of porcelain, rainbows and a child's laughter. Basically, she's enjoyable and harmless. He compares her to Caroline, but with less testosterone. Ha! Caroline is getting burned all over the place in this episode.

Oh, and then Joe Gorga takes a minute to talk to Gia about how he and her mom are going to fight, but eventually will make up. Gia wants to know when, and stands up for her mom by saying that she tries, and that sometimes Joe hurts her and she cries. Joe says that he cries too, and Gia tells him to stop the arguing. We then have one of those little mini-segments between commercial breaks in which Joe successfully dunks Gia in the dunk tank, and in response she calls him a "rere." I mean, it's a lovely family. I believe the children are our future, and right now the future is grim.

It turns out the most popular sport at field day is looking at Melissa's ass in her short-shorts. She's cool with that! All the participants divide up into teams. Chris and Albie are team captains, and Albie somehow manages to get Joe, Teresa and Melissa all on his team. The teams gear up for a big tug o' war, and Albie's team wins. They celebrate, and Gia gets a very sullen look. Then there are potato sack races, and who can invest in a family feud when there are field games happening? So all is merriment and fun, and people are flopping on the ground happily, until Gia yells that Joe cheated. Teresa calls Gia a sore loser, and she should know. Gia will not let up about the cheating, and is clearly very invested in a field day victory.