Real Housewives of New Jersey

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The Aftermath

Kim D. shrugs and Teresa settles in to talk fashion when suddenly Kim G. walks in. Teresa can NOT believe the nerve of Kim G. to walk into her friend's boutique when Teresa is there. How rude! (Yes, in my head, Teresa has the voice of Stephanie Tanner.) Kim G. obviously wants to talk about The Fight and she does an okay job of pretending that she is dealing with sane people. Teresa tells the confessional cam that her one regret about that night was pushing Kim G. because Kim is older and Teresa fully respects the elderly. I think this is a jab at Kim G., but it is so bland and self-gratifying for Teresa to say it that I don't really care to respond. I WON'T SINK TO HER LEVEL!

Derek, Ashley's boyfriend and North New Jersey's voice of reason, asks Ashley if she thinks she behaved appropriately, because he really would have preferred that Ashley not act as the enforcer. If he wanted to date The Enforcer, he'd set himself up with a Clint Eastwood marathon and a box of Kleenex. Derek, who is FAR AND AWAY the sanest person on this show, really wants to stop talking about Danielle and would appreciate if Ashley didn't fixate on her. Ashley mutters something about hair extensions and Derek reminds her that he would like to move on. Derek is way too good for Ashley, although he's probably scared that if he breaks up with her she will boil his bunny.

Joe is an entrepreneur, if by entrepreneur you mean someone who owns his own business. Teresa is totally just testing us, because she totally knew that. Joe gives her and her sweater cape a tour of his latest investment property, namely a combination pizzeria-laundromat-apartment complex, which just sounds lovely. Teresa explains that her house is NOT in foreclosure (yet!) and Joe owns a lot of property. Some were good investments, some were bad investments. End of story. Joe shows her the apartments they can live in if they get kicked out of the house. Teresa thinks he is totally kidding her, but you can tell there is an element of truth to Joe's teasing. Like he is trying to warn Teresa about her future, but she just won't hear it. Don't worry, Teresa, Gia can support you with her WWE career.

Danielle goes to meet Jailbird Danny and an unnamed cohort who does his best Silent Bob impersonation. Danielle has decided not to blame Ashley for the attack, but rather to blame Ashley's broken home. It all starts at home! Especially when Ashley and Danielle used to be so close that Ashley even asked to use Danielle's tanning room! That's how close they were! They were willing to possible share charred epithelials! That's how I define family. So Danielle blames Jacqueline and Chris and, really, the whole Manzo family for Ashley's assault. She's going to need a bigger lawsuit!

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Real Housewives of New Jersey

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