Real Housewives of New Jersey

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The Aftermath

Caroline is alphabetizing Albert's vitamins A through Zinc when Albie comes in with good news: The law school wrote him his letter of transfer. He reads it aloud and it is truly a heartwarming rebuttal of the fact that he got kicked out. If you find clinical legalese heartwarming that is. So now Albie can find some new law school to accept his floundering ass, take his parents' money, and hope that some day he can maybe pass the bar exam and chase ambulances for the rest of his life. Obviously Mom and Dad Manzo are proud. Unless he has to go to school out of state. Then they are sad. Unless the out-of-state school is near a golf course. Then they are happy. This is extremely complicated

Danielle pulls up to the Wayne County Municipal Building. She has decided that the parking lot is a great place to meet with her two lawyers and her three witnesses. I have no idea why. Maybe her lawyers' offices are too small for everyone plus a camera crew? I mean those strip mall law firms can have pretty tight spaces what with being squeezed between a Dunkin' Donuts and a pet food store. The lawyer takes statements from the women and finally herds the women inside I guess to file a complaint. One of the lawyers pauses for a photo from the one lone paparazzo staking out the Wayne County Municipal Building. He can put the picture in his flyer he will stick under the windshield wipers of the cars in the parking lot of the strip mall. It will be very sophisticated.

Bravo is running a banner ad that says: "Got the hots for the Manzo Boys?" To be clear: NO. Jesus, Bravo, quit trying to make the Manzos happen. They are not attractive. Nor is the possibility of hanging out with the Manzo family and getting HAM CHUCKED AT MY HEAD LIKE A BUNCH OF ANIMALS. Moving on. Jacqueline comes to seek counsel with elder statesman Caroline. She got word that Danielle is filing charges against Ashley and she is upset. But! She sees the silver lining in that Ashley is learning a valuable life lesson. Namely, don't pull out anyone's weave. That lesson is definitely a hard one to learn. I struggle with it daily, but especially when I am watching The Bachelorette.

Jacqueline texts Ashley and tells her to swing by the local Starbucks and then come over to Aunt Caroline's. As Ashley still hasn't been able to decide between an illustrious career in either fashion merchandising or music management, she has no reason not to comply. Jacqueline asks her if she knows what is going on and Ashley laughs that she heard Danielle is filing charges against her right now. She laughs some more... and see what I mean about Ashley being a bit slow? Or maybe really, really high on life? Jacqueline and Caroline remind Ashley that THEY WARNED HER! Ashley doesn't get what she did to deserve this. I mean is hair pulling wrong? I am starting to think that Ashley didn't learn everything she needed to learn in kindergarten.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey

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