Oh God, and then it turns out that Melissa and Joe aren't gone quite yet. As they drive by the entire scene in their gigantic SUV, Melissa whispers to Joe that he should yell "Shame on you!" to Teresa from their window. Instead, Joe starts to improvise, and Melissa has to keep feeding him his line. It doesn't work, though, and instead he and Teresa get into an argument about why Teresa didn't throw Bald Guy out... of a party that isn't even her party. Anyway! Melissa theorizes that Teresa wants everyone to think that Melissa was a stripper because it will give legitimacy to the fact that Teresa has been tormenting her for the past eight years. Well that's a miscalculation, because clearly there is not one shit given throughout the land. In a charming coda to this argument, Teresa calls Joe a retard. Caroline turns her focus to getting Jacqueline out of the scene, because "a ha" moments can be hard on the soul.
Lest you think that we're done here, Teresa is still at the Posche show even though everyone else has gone home. Kim D. maintains that nobody could have known that Bald Guy was up to no good! Nobody at all! And then Teresa tells us that Chris told Juicy that he met Jacqueline while she was a stripper, so maybe this is the reason why she's so involved in the situation. I care about Jacqueline being a stripper in equal measure to how much I care about Melissa being a stripper, but I love that Teresa doesn't even have enough respect for Jacqueline to construct a big fake scene to make that reveal. Meanwhile, a party guest tells Teresa that Melissa was indeed a dancer. Teresa claims not to want to hear it and walks away.
And then it is 12 hours later... at last season's reunion show! HA, I can't believe it wasn't even a full day after that scene went down. Teresa is essentially dead to Caroline, and we learn that she hasn't spoken to Teresa since the reunion was taped. In happier updates, Lauren has lost 35 pounds thanks to her Lap-Band surgery, and Cafface is thriving. Don't you feel like "thriving" should be in quotes? Or is it very easy to thrive as a fictional place? Oh, and then back to sad news -- Albie and Lindsey are no longer seeing each other. Has anyone been poisoned by BLK Water yet? That's the real story if you ask me!
We then get Kathy updates. Her dream has finally come true and her homemade cannoli kit hits the shelves this year. Poor Victoria decided to attend college in New Jersey, and Kathy and Teresa have been communicating recently... through text messages. Ha, and then we learn what's been going on with Melissa. Her single "How Many Times" made it to #4 on the iTunes charts. There is a special Housewives chart? I hope "Money Can't Buy You Class" is the perpetual number one. And then: "Melissa and Joe put their house on the market for $3.8 million... so they can be away from Teresa." Burn.