And then it's the moment we've all been waiting for: therapy! Things instantly get weird -- and we're only in the waiting room! -- as Teresa tells Joe that he smells good and he counters that she's wearing a very sexy color of red. He asks her if she's ready for this. I certainly am not ready for whatever teenage Flowers in the Attic shenanigans are about to be revealed. The unluckiest therapist in the world, Michael Sweeney, comes out to tell them that he'll have a conversation with each of them alone, then all three of them will have a conversation together at the end. Teresa goes in first, and tells Dr. Sweeney that she doesn't know why Joe can't get past what's bothering him. She doesn't think she's done anything to hurt him, but there's something that he can't get past. She thinks that maybe Dr. Sweeney can help him. Dr. Sweeney points out that Joe might say the same thing about her. And the Teresa gets into the fact that everything went to shit when Joe married Melissa. Dr. Sweeney asks her to confirm that her major grievance is with Melissa and not Joe. We then learn that Teresa's rift with Joe began when Melissa was pregnant with their first child, and Teresa was pregnant with her third. They didn't think she was there for them, but as Dr. Sweeney notes Teresa was at that point a very busy woman. Then Teresa tells Dr. Sweeney that she is not a grudge holder, because she is very comfortable lying to her therapist.
Dr. Sweeney asks if Teresa and Joe's style of arguing is more like a cold war or something that erupts. Teresa says that they have a problem communicating, so things are generally fine until they start talking. She thinks she's damned if she does or damned if she doesn't. Dr. Sweeney encourages her not to come in with a chip on her shoulder, and Teresa is like, "I'M JUST SAYING." He tells Teresa that walking away is her best friend. Because she's an emotional nutjob, she needs to keep it cool and remove herself from the situation. Teresa says that sometimes it's good to stand your ground. Well, at least she's receptive to psychologically healthy ideas! Let's all flip a table to that! Dr. Sweeney tells her that she needs to walk out of the room when the situation gets emotional, and not in a big, stompy, dramatic way. This completely delegitimizes any of his expertise in Teresa's eyes, and Andy Cohen's.
And then we get a delightful little Sunday dinner interlude, in which Rosie talks about the horror of having all of Kathy's hand me downs as a kid, particularly when she was a little taller and chunkier than Kathy ever was. We get an amazing shot of Rosie in her hand-me-down holy communion minidress, with rainbow colored sandals due to the fact that Kathy's hand-me-down shoes didn't fit her. She literally didn't fit in... anything. Poor Rosie! But it HAS gotten better for Rosie, as she's heading to the gay bar with Kathy! They're at a place called the Cubby Hole, which is our first sign that shenanigans are in store. The second sign is that Kathy's friend Heather, who you might remember from the hot tub lap dance, has come along for the ride. Heather has totally taken a dip in the lady pond, which Kathy thinks is weird. Still, she wants Rosie to get laid. She offers to go scope out some chicks on Rosie's behalf, but Rosie is emphatic on the point that she's the chasee, not the chaser. Kathy says that if she's doing the chasing, it doesn't count. In truth, Rosie is doing just fine by herself, and has no trouble getting handsy with some ladies. And then, as should be no surprise to you, everyone is suddenly wasted. A poor blonde girl named Brianna gets caught in the middle of it all! Run, Brianna!