Not entertained yet? Don't worry: It's a three-year old's birthday! That should get the old entertainment flowing, right? Teresa has packed matching tutus for all the girls and has planned a private party for Milania's birthday. Jacqueline is simultaneously hungover and seasick and can't quite make the party what with the wretching and dizziness. So she gets to sleep in bed while the rest of us are dragged into a crowded and poorly lit dining hall where some tables got pushed together for the Big Party. Milania is unimpressed and promptly falls asleep at the table. Teresa is mortified and tries to wake her up for the cake, but she won't rouse. This must be humiliating for Teresa and really boring for the rest of us, the birthday girl included. The group's next destination is Naples and everyone is worried about the crime. Luckily they brought their own cosa nostra. Albert perks up, what? Who? Me? Joe just stares at his tiramisu and chugs some more Barolo. Up next: Shuffle board!

Come back next week and see Teresa meet her cousin and his goat. To make this more interesting, I propose a drinking game where you drink whenever Joe does. You'll be soused and rolling in the aisles in no time!

Melissa Locker a.k.a. Lulu Bates is writing this sound asleep. You can follow her on Twitter @woolyknickers.

Watch the episode below, and see our list of the craziest Jersey Housewives moments!