The Giudice family reunion continues with a steady stream of cousins and aunts and uncles to say hello. Caroline is uncomfortable with all the Italian-speakers around her. Her parents left the old country to be American. She speaks English, okay? Inside, the family has a feast laid out, including mozzarella and prosciutto and wine in little plastic glasses. Wine and spaghetti makes Jacqueline happy, but Caroline is still cranky. The tour of the pig slaughterhouse doesn't do much to cheer her up either. Jacqueline and Caroline take a moment to eat some "macaroni" and "gravy" and cheer the fuck up. It almost works, but not as much as heading back to the tour bus. Teresa and Joe try to make up, but Joe wants to yell some more and jokingly threaten her with domestic violence, which is ALWAYS FUNNY. At the end of the day, they drink some wine on the street and Joe sees the balcony he was born on. According to his mother. The balcony. Why not? It has a nice view and a lot of fresh air.
Back in New Jersey, Danielle gets a call from her private investigator. The investigator has a non-update, namely: They put in a request for the court records for the adoption. Fascinating right? I am so happy to be watching this shit. It's simply riveting television. I mean, The Wire has nothing on this drama. Danielle is going to pray on it. She knows God wants her to find her birth mother. Lord knows He's sick of being the only one she turns to. (What? A little heresy goes a long way towards staving off boredom.)
Back in Italy, Teresa pulls out all the stops to really impress her family with her newfound wealth. Nothing says "I've made it" like dressing your daughters in matching outfits that resemble Swiss milk maid dresses if the milk maid ate nothing but strawberry Quik and feathers and then barfed on herself repeatedly. There is no way I can do justice to these dresses. Or the matching headpieces, which look like they were ripped from the pages of Horton Hears a Who, except, obviously, much, much pinker. Teresa explains that they were original designs made just for her girls. The baby looks like she is going to suffocate under her feathered hair accessory. They are full and pink with dirndls and ruffles everywhere and brown trim that may be leopard print, and they have trousers that make the girls look like teeny-tiny Clydesdales and... oh, fuck it. They are awful. Toddlers & Tiaras would think they were much too much. The girls can just show a picture of themselves in these outfits and get free therapy for life. Naturally Teresa is very proud. Teresa proposes a toast to family while everyone else tries not to giggle.