Real Housewives of New Jersey
The Jersey Side Step

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Oh BLK Water, Keep on Rollin'

Previously on Masterpiece Classics presents The Real Housewives of New Jersey: Albie's poor, excessively attractive girlfriend Lindsey was introduced to the Manzo women, and Caroline hated her on principle. Melissa and Gia both prepared for appearances at something called Beatstock, while Joe and Teresa quit therapy because they felt like they could successfully mend their relationship by the strength of their wits alone. That they couldn't complete a Highlights puzzle by the strength of their wits alone did not seem to be a concern. And, finally, everyone still hates Teresa. It's the motif of the season, really.

We enter at Fred Astaire dance studio, where Melissa and her backup dancers rehearse for her Beatstock appearance under the tutelage of famed choreographer Cris Judd. This is Melissa's second performance ever, and is in a much bigger venue than the stupid BLK Water launch last season. She's hoping that it can propel her to the next level. Judging by the look on Cris's face, that seems highly unlikely. Meanwhile, at Pearl Studios, Gia rehearses with a gang of dancers for HER Beatstock appearance. I still don't know what Gia's appearance is all about, and why Gia seems so much younger than everyone else in her group, and why everyone else has to wear a purple t-shirt and she doesn't. The leader of the class tells Teresa that Gia must have gotten "it" from somewhere, and when Teresa asks Gia where she got it, she says, "My aunt." Oooh, BURN. Teresa makes her correct that statement, in a pretty good-natured way. Meanwhile, Melissa shows some actual self-awareness as she tells us that she may not be the best singer ever, but it takes some courage to put yourself out there in front of people. We really are in the age when the bold but talentless prevail.

Meanwhile, remember how Kathy wants to start a catering business or something? Well, she's planning to have a cookie tasting in an ice cream shop in her old neighborhood. Rich is concerned about whether Kathy is going to make any money on this venture. I mean, I guess if she has something to sell she might. Kathy tells us that this ice cream shop is where Rosie had her first job, so the owner was Rosie's first boss. She's hoping that getting back to the old homestead of Paterson will give her some inspiration. She'll need that inspiration, as Rich won't stop riding her business jock and she needs him to back the fuck off. Rich and Kathy greet Sal Sigona, the owner of Gelotti Ice Cream. Kathy opens her sample box, and Rich busts right in to ask if Sal's ever thought of having a line of sweet treats in the shop. Kathy puts him in his place a little bit, and Rich asks for a tampon since his balls have been cut off. If he's trying to stop the bleeding of a testicle-ectomy with a tampon, he has even worse business sense than we suspected. Sal likes Kathy's sweets, and is receptive to the idea of her having a table in his shop for tastings. Rich tells us that he does want this to be Kathy's baby, but does not want her to go forth with a Joe Giudice business plan. She just never should have taken him along.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey

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