Real Housewives of New Jersey
The Jersey Side Step

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Oh BLK Water, Keep on Rollin'

Elsewhere, the Giudices ride in a limo to Beatstock. They try to get the troops to cheer for Gia and her impending performance, which results in Gabriella saying, "I don't really care." I think she's getting some of Milania's spunk by osmosis! I like it. Gia acts like she's a nice and humble kid, ultimately proving that she's not a very good actress. Melissa and Joe are riding to Beatstock, too, and we have to listen to Melissa prattle on about being an artist and performing or whatever. I mean, good for her that she is living her dream, but let me just be clear that she is no Countess LuAnn. (I mean that as a bad thing.) The Giudices arrive first at Beatstock, which looks... I mean, it's no Fancy Food Show. Gia mocks Melissa singing "On Display," and then Milania weighs in with the final word: "Melissa stinks." From the gloss-coated mouths of babes.

Back at the Fancy Food Show, someone comes up to the BLK booth and notes that they're kind of afraid of drinking what looks like muddy water. Chris says that this is their biggest challenge, but that coffee is essentially black water too. Uhhhhh. Hmmm. But let's not get bogged down in these minor details, because PATTI LABELLE is at the Fancy Food Show! And this is the one time where it is handy to have Greg around, because none of these other clowns even knows who Miss Patti is! It turns out that she's there selling hot sauces, and possibly recognizes Greg and the Manzos from the show. Greg and Patti hit it off, and then he gives her the water. And she drinks it! Patti is happy to be Greg's fairy godmother. Can she be on this show all the time? And also, shouldn't she be marketing a line of marmalade?

Oh god, and then that little 30-second between commercial interlude involves Joe Gorga wanting to suck Melissa's toes in front of her assistant and the stylist. The make-up guy apparently knew when to get the hell out of dodge.

And then we're back to Beatstock. Melissa has arrived, and is visited in her little trailer by her sisters and Kathy and Rich and then Teresa and the kids. Teresa asks if Melissa is nervous, and she says that she is a little nervous, but also excited. The Wakiles take their places in the audience, Cris Judd gives Melissa some last-minute words of encouragement, and Juicy threatens to be Gia's backup dancer. And then the show begins! Or at least the part of it that we "care" about begins. Gia's dance group is up first, and I still don't understand what it's all about. Everyone (with the exception of Milania, who lets out a big yawn) is very excited about Gia's performance. I will give the girl credit for being able to flip herself around, though she might not be what they call a natural with the rhythm. I am sure this experience will make her even more of a nightmare, though. Juicy and Teresa and Joe are all quite proud, while Melissa is just nervous.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey

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