Real Housewives of New Jersey
The Sniff Test

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If I Was Your Girlfriend

And then it's time for dinner with the Wakiles! Meatballs are involved. And bonus! It turns out that Rosie is bringing over a lady friend. It's Brianne! I hope Rosie has remembered her name by now. Maybe she'll do that awkward thing where she lets Brianne introduce herself, just so she can hear her say her name. Kathy and Rosie's mom is there and seems cool with the whole thing, but Rich brings up four bottles of champagne just in case. Everyone welcomes Brianne with a big hug, and Richie first tells us that he approves of lesbians, which is a HUGE win for the lesbian community, and then goes on and on about how hot Brianne is. Joseph is both titillated and wants to die, which is an appropriate reaction for a young man of his age.

Back at Gia's audition, dancing is still happening. And then Gia gets the...part? Or at least isn't cut? Teresa is proud, even though this was obviously all staged, and picks up Gia to give her a big hug. Gia is mortified, and gives Teresa a really healthy shove. Teresa in vain calls out that she loves her. Things just get sadder and sadder for her, truly.

And then in our in-between-commercials feature, Greg tries to set up an online dating profile for Christopher. This also doubles as an, "Are You an Illiterate Flabby Slob?" test. I'll let you guess at the result!

After a break, Jacqueline and Lauren ride in a car with Greg. They've made him believe that just the three of them are going out for his birthday, but in fact there's a big surprise party in the works. Lauren tells us that it should be a fun night, but she's also nervous about meeting Albie's new whore girlfriend. Well, I'm glad she's going into it with an open mind at least. Closer to the party, Albie asks Lindsey if she's nervous and he says that yes, she's nervous. He tells us about their fated first meeting at a restaurant in Hoboken, and how she did not want to date him at all. And so he hounded her and hounded her until finally she acquiesced. Romance! He says that he'll never ever find anybody like her again, by which he means a hot pro cheerleader.

The party is apparently at a gay club, as evidenced by all the shirtless men dancing. Though that sounds like a regular night at the Gorgas to me. Chris asks a gay friend what is a nice way to say that he's not gay if someone hits on him. The guy advises Chris to say that Albie is his boyfriend, because if he says he's straight then it's a challenge. Albie asks what to do about the fact that his girlfriend is sitting next to him, and wise gay friend advises him to say that she's a tranny. Lindsey does not seem amused. Albie then confesses that tonight is the night he's going to introduce his tranny girlfriend to his mom. Chris tells us that a gay bar is as good a place as any for Lindsey to meet Caroline, and also he -- and the rest of America! -- will be the first to know if Caroline is not impressed. He advises Lindsey not to look Caroline in the eye, and also not to call her Caroline OR Mrs. Manzo. He thinks that Lindsey should call her "mom," which gets a huge veto from gay friend and his lady friend. Ha! And then gay friend advises Lindsey to call her "Red." This guy is my favorite saboteur. And then Caroline arrives! She shakes hands with Lindsey, and tells us that she's very sweet and also (with a distinct lack of enthusiasm in her voice) a cheerleader. So she, too, has basically assessed Lindsey as Albie's new whore girlfriend. I'd feel bad for Lindsey, but she's so tan. She deserves all this judgment.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey

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