After a break, we learn that Joe Gorga is Greg's type. So it is a special birthday treat that Greg gets to do a shot off of his juiced up body. And rest assured it's a real treat for us too. Poor Lindsey is stuck with Caroline AND Lauren, who tells her that she can't picture her having any rhythm. But at least, Lauren says, she's not a whore dancer! She's a sports dancer. Who HAPPENS to be a whore. Oh, and then Melissa gets on a table and dances while "On Display" plays. She pulls Lindsey up with her, and Lauren gets the chance to be totally not jealous that Lindsey has a killer body. And then Joe Gorga gets up on the table and humps some gay dudes, like he does. Lindsey and Albie canoodle a little bit, while Caroline and Lauren scowl. At the very least we can thank Lindsey for getting people to talk about something other than Teresa for a minute. Lauren pushes Greg's birthday cake into Christopher's face, and we're out!
Next week: Richie needs a tampon! AND OH MY GOD, PATTI LABELLE! Beatstock happens, and everyone keeps making it out like Albie has to choose between Lindsey and his stupid black water.
Potes still can't believe that she's recapping this show. Sympathize @traciepotes or via email at email@example.com.