Real Housewives of New Jersey
There Arose Such a Clatter

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Lady Lola: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Second Degree Manzo Slaughter

The next day is Christmas Eve at the Giudice home. Teresa, Juicy, and their respective parents prepare The Feast of the Seven Fishes as Teresa informs us that "Christmas Eve is my holiday." You got that, Jesus? Today is not about you. It's Teresa's day. You get tomorrow, so suck it up. As Audriana toddles around in an explosion of tulle that looks straight out of My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding, the men of the family take a minute to tease Gia a little bit about a ring (the Princess Diana-Kate Middleton one, in fact) that a boy gave her for Christmas. Teresa states emphatically that her brother Joe is just like his dad when he was younger, and, though Melissa may have married into the Gorga name, she doesn't have the Gorga personality. Then everyone cheers to a merry Christmas.

Over at the Gorga homestead, Antonia is in a similar inundation of tulle, only this one is red and Santa-themed. Melissa asks her what Christmas is, and Antonia mentions having fun and playing in the snow before eventually to the presents. Yep, definitely not from Teresa's bloodline. Melissa makes sure to emphasize that Christmas is Jesus' birthday. Antonia wonders how old Jesus is, and Melissa's all, "Ummmm... 89? Yeah, 89." Melissa heads into her bedroom to get ready, and Joe's there. He expresses his misgivings about hanging out with the Giudice in-laws after ChristeningGate 2010. Melissa reminds him that they're in a delicate place in terms of their relationship with Teresa and insists they go, but compromises that they will only stay for a short while.

Manzo manse. Caroline runs around preparing the fixings for a huge family dinner. One dish, olive sauce over fresh pasta, is especially meaningful to her because her father made it up on the fly one Christmas Eve when all the stores were closed. The kids chip in with the cooking, and Christopher adorably snarks when his grandma walks in, "Oh my God, who invited you? Drop off whatever you cooked and go back!" Albie gives his grandma a big hug. The family runs down the list of who is coming, and they get to the topic of Bratshley. Usually she stays with her father, and it's a big stress for her having to divide her holidays up among two families. Jacqueline says she sometimes becomes overwhelmed by the fracture instead of realizing that she should be grateful to have two families that love her.

The Lauritas arrive, and Christopher asks Chris what he wants for Christmas. Chris says he wants peace. Bratshley wants... a car. Back to the topic of peace, Christopher quickly mentions that everything is fine with Kim G.'s son. Caroline takes it nonchalantly and interviews that she's not going to waste her time on a fool. With that, Christopher pours himself a glass of wine and wishes everyone a merry Christmas full of unity and harmony. They move on to the topic of Santa. While the women weave a lovely tale about Santa being inside all of us, Albie sardonically says he has a problem with Kris Kringle's slave labor operation. Christopher: "And another thing? Shave!" They deem Santa a classless bum who only works one month a year. Take that, Claus.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey

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