Real Housewives of New Jersey
Third Eye Blind

Episode Report Card
Rachel Stein: D | Grade It Now!
Far, Far Away

Obligatory "fun" segment: Rosie introduces herself to someone either named Jolene or Julie Anne or something with a J and a N sound and is received with a bout of 'tude. Kathy tells us Rosie doesn't have patience for airheads. Great.

Back to Teresa stomping to her car. Kim is trying to talk her down, and the ladies at the party are going over the details with Melissa yet again. Everyone is freaking out -- especially the psychic, for some reason! -- and Jacqueline walks over to Teresa, yelling at her for putting her in the middle and manipulating the situation. We hear both sides of the story, and surprisingly, Kathy is kind of with Teresa on this one -- it's kind of an old school Jersey thing, apparently, to say going "away" instead of "to jail," as a matter of pride and respect. Lauren then chimes in with another old school Jersey-ism, "If you're gonna say anything she doesn't want to hear, you have to suck on her asshole first, and then she'll listen to what it is," which I believe Deena from Jersey Shore can confirm.

Anywho, apparently Joe says horrible and probably actually true shit to Teresa all the time about Juicy, so in her mind trading these kind of comments is just what they do as siblings. It's revealed that what's really going on here is that everyone knows that Juicy is cheating on Teresa -- Joe is even texting Juicy about it, at this point -- and Teresa is desperately trying to find a way to soften the blow and spin the Juicy stories into run-of-the-mill gossip. Jacqueline finally gets it, and goes to retrieve Melissa. This should go over well.

Teresa tells us she won't apologize. Melissa tells us she is over playing nice. After more rehashing and Teresa tripping over her words, it's obvious that Melissa is about to reach her boiling point, and coincidentally, her single for summer 2014 is actually called "Boiling Point." Teresa will not stop talking about Melissa potentially cheating on Joe and then weirdly start imitating her voice. It really just goes downhill and becomes painfully obvious that Teresa is taking out all of her Juicy frustration on her sister-in-law. Melissa is milking this shit to the point that she is clearly just as awful as a person as Teresa (if not worse, as Potes has stated). Also, they're still wearing their bindis, which makes this all seem that much awesomely trashier.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey




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