Richie: "God, am I glad Teresa isn't here. She would make it all about herself, and we're much more comfortable having it be all about Joey Gorga for some reason. Hang on, I think somebody just pushed him into the pool. God, this is the most fun any of us has ever had in our lives."
My favorite thing about the show for the last couple years, besides Jackie and now Rosie -- I may have said this last year too, actually -- is how much Kathy Wakile likes to say facts as if they are jokes. All of her talking heads are just her saying some obvious, banal thing, and then grinning like she just laid down a Comedy Central special. It's so great, she's awesome. If Cindy Barshop had just done this one trick I think she would have been a hit. But instead she took her complete lack of a sense of humor and treated it like it was enough.
Kathy: "Whipped cream is a food. I don't want to play with it, I want to eat it. That's what you do with food."
And then always this parakeet-feather grin, like, "Booyah!"
Caroline: "Don't make me dance! Just don't try and pull me out on the dancefloor you guys! Come on guys, I hate dancing! Don't make me dance! Fine, I'll dance."
She dances, of course. And then says something weird.
Caroline: "Caroline Manzo dances. But not on bars. I'm somebody's mother."
Unspoken: "...Specifically, two Somebodies. Trust me, if it were just Lauren I'd be dancing on bars all the time. Because I'd have nothing left to lose."
Jacqueline and Teresa find their way to a giant statue of Buddha. Teresa babbles out some fucking nonsense and Jackie's dancing to music only she can hear and just sort of repeating back whatever words she can puzzle out of Teresa's babble, and then T gets the text from her brother Joey about the creepy couples therapy. It takes her even longer to read it out loud than it did for him to peck it out one letter at a time.
Jackie: "Do you realize I have my own fucking life?"
Jackie: "That checks out."
Teresa, verbatim: "I know, 110 percent, [that] I don't need therapy."
Teresa: "I mean, why would I go to therapy?"
Jackie: "Good point, Teresa. Why indeed."
Teresa: "I just feel like he's dredging up the past. I don't carry grudges."
(Jackie: "That's all you ever have, are you kidding me?")
Teresa: "Maybe he should go to therapy with Melissa. That's what my husband says, anyway. That I don't need therapy. That Joe and Melissa are the problem."
Jackie: "I do feel like maybe Juicy is part of the problem also."
Teresa: "Are you telling me to get a divorce?"
Jackie: "Uh, no. But it's interesting that you said that, out of nowhere."