Joe: "Greg! How loose is your butthole? From getting sodomized all the time."
Everybody: "Whoa, what?"
Teresa: "Why would a person get offended by that? Everybody's so sensitive. It was a joke? Funny? Ha-ha?"
Joe: "No, I just can't stop thinking about Greg's ass. It's not that complicated."
Chris: "I think you should weigh very carefully the benefits and costs of bringing this up with Teresa at somebody else's wedding."
Jackie: "Very true. On the one hand, it would be hilarious to set her off. On the other hand, she is ten miles of bullshit whenever you give her a reason."
Chris: "So you are... Definitely going to bring this magazine up at the wedding, then."
Jackie: "Oh, I am absolutely going to do that."
Teresa rings their hotel room bell one million times, because she is the fuckin' worst. Tre and Jackie talk about hats.
Teresa: "You remind me of that princess. Kate Hudson."
Chris: "Oh, I see that over-rehearsed thing you just did, where you pretend to be even stupider than you actually are."
Everybody: Laughs politely. Funny. Ha-ha.
Jackie: "So. I guess you got a dog?"
Teresa, grinning: "What? I hate those things. Why do you ask?"
Jackie: "Right. So clearly you want me to ask about the magazine article."
Teresa, manic: "Yeah! That's why I came to this wedding. But to answer your question, those dogs were supplied by the magazine. Which I can barely even remember. What was the cover copy, on the thousand copies of that magazine I bought this morning? That was a quote of something I said? It's so not a big deal that I can't even remember. I mean, aren't you afraid to be poor? Isn't that a relatable quote of something I maybe said?"
Jackie: "I've been poor before. I mean, I've never filed for bankruptcy, like some people, but it's something I understand. I would have to say there are worse things than being poor. Like being illiterate, for one example. Or having the manners of a donkey that has just smoked crack."
Jackie: "What about that part where they quoted you saying that you'd been bullied by Caroline?"
Teresa: "Yeah, I don't know where they got that. I hope it doesn't cause a massive meltdown or anything, because that would really be ironic."
Jackie: "Do you know what the word 'quote' means?"
Teresa: "I absolutely do not. They asked me questions and I answered them. That's all."
(Teresa, worried: "I really don't think Jackie understands what magazines are.")