(Teresa, worried: "I really don't think Jackie understands what magazines are.")
Teresa: "But that's just the beginning of the rabbit hole, as far as the rumors and direct quotes and other nonsense. Did you know Joe and I are cheating on each other? Did you know he hits me? Did you know I read at a fourth-grade level? I mean, it's ridiculous."
(Jacqueline: "I am starting to think that Teresa is losing her mind. What is left of her mind.")
Juicy rings the hotel room bell one million times, because he is the fuckin' worst.
Chris: "Your family is really rude. In most ways, I would say. You have sort of cornered the market on that. You're like the von Trapps of alienating people, with your constant horrible actions."
Teresa: "I know! It's so funny."
They are all wearing tiny hats or fascinators and everybody on the entire shuttle looks like a dickhead. Do you think one of the brothers is sleeping with Greg? Do you know which one? It seems like maybe they're not sure either. I can barely tell them apart as it is.
Lauren: "Well, I am dressed on the outside like I feel on the inside. In other news, my brothers and their boyfriend have decided to give my boyfriend Vito some lessons in how to be a douchebag. I wonder if I shall every marry."
The Svelte & Active Caroline Manzo: "Probably not if you keep dressing like this, you yeti."
Lauren: "You are right. How dare I."
Everybody tries to talk like they are British. Lauren is full of beans. Teresa tries to talk like she's British but she just talks like Teresa. Everybody laughs politely.
Teresa: "Even Kate Hudson would like my hat. Or my same joke again."
Teresa: "Hey, let's talk about Melissa. Her house on the shore."
Everybody: "...Here we fuckin' go."
Jackie: "So she has a redone home now?"
Teresa: "Good one. That was a good burn. I'm going to pretend I'm too dumb to understand the joke, but between you and I that was a good joke."
Juicy: "I too get the joke."
Melissa: "I never, ever get the joke. That's why I'm half-naked, wearing a dreamcatcher instead of a shirt."
Neighbors: "This is great that you're going to come over here and throw a huge loud gavone party with a whole camera crew and loud music and everything. On the Jersey shore that sort of thing is acceptable."