Real Housewives of New Jersey
True Love, True Lies

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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"You & Your Hat: Shut Up."

Caroline: "This wedding would be a lot less boring if it were about me. But my time will come."

Jamie gives a pretty great speech about how much he loves Rich and how wonderful today is, and everybody claps. Rich makes everybody laugh and breaks the tension with a little joke before bursting into tears with a very sweet, heartfelt speech about how Jamie is perfect. I'm not going to lie, this part was awesome. Everybody cries, the dogs bark, it's excellent.

Lady Priest: "Caroline, you're on. Share some of your nonstop insights with us."

Caroline... Does? I am not sure what her metaphor is about. They are climbing a love mountain made of brains, and some of the brains are supportive and other brains not so much, but the brains that are at this gay wedding are there to see a mountain made of brains. Something like that. It's very moving, if you just stick with the emotion and watching the husbands be overwhelmed and joyous, and not so much try to parse what she is actually saying. Which makes it a good wedding speech.

Caroline: "Coming out of the closet was tough on everybody. Less you, more everybody else. The important thing is that our father didn't disown you. And that both of you are my brothers. I can't help but think that Dina's absence is all about me, also."

They trade rings and let some butterflies out, which takes Teresa's breath away because she likes shiny unexpected things, but also distracts everybody from watching two dudes kiss. That's fairly brilliant, actually. Next time you're about to do something super gay, release a ton of butterflies first and see if that doesn't take the pressure off everybody a little bit.

SHORE PARTY

Joe is, of course, wearing a kerchief on his head so you won't ever know what his head looks like, and then introduces Melissa to sing her new song. It's kind of a gay marriage of a different sort. So then she lip-syncs her Melissa song, doing her usual thing, and Joe does a dance, and Rosie gets her Rosie on and it's awesome.

Richie: "Joe, what is the update on your couples therapy with your sister?"
Joe: "She's been really busy, you know. Fake dogs and interviews and stuff. Just never let it be said that I don't want to make things work with my sister. Or get to the bottom of her weird obsession with me."
Richie: "I want to watch you send her a text message with your shirt off. That would really make today complete."

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Real Housewives of New Jersey

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