Real Housewives of New Jersey
Twas the Fight Before Christmas

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: B- | Grade It Now!
Party Animals

Chez Gorga, Melissa is flustered that not enough people are helping her deck out the tree. He asks who's coming to their Christmas party, and the topic of Juicy comes up. They are understandably nervous about mixing her family and Juicy after the christening-cum-brawl. Making matters worse, Melissa's harpy of a sister is now claiming that Juicy's mom punched her in the face. Suffice it to say, ain't nobody happy in this motley crew. And everyone thinks (s)he is right. To wit, says Melissa, "Joe Giudice better come correct to my home." I'm pretty sure these people have never heard the phrase "benefit of the doubt."

The next morning, Jacqueline gives Bratshley her birthday present. She tells her she wanted to give it to her first thing because she thought she could use it that night. Appropriately it's a necklace of protection from her psychic. Jacqueline explains that the holidays are hard for Bratshley because she never knows whether to spend them with Jacqueline and Chris or her father's family. Jacqueline tries to make Bratshley feel better by saying that her father was on his way to Jersey but got really sick. Bratshley says it almost makes her feel worse to know that he was coming and couldn't make it. Jacqueline, in turn, is frustrated because Bratshley puts her father on a pedestal and seems to respect him more than Jacqueline even though she's been there all along. Bratshley deems the situation a lose-lose because she's missing out on one part of her family either way. Jacqueline leaves the room, and Bratshley calls her dad for a strained conversation.

That evening, the Manzo kids and Greg arrive early to Bratshley's birthday dinner and talk shit about her. Meanwhile, Bratshley and her friend Nelly are still at home. Caroline arrives to the dinner. And Bratshley is still nowhere to be found. She and Nelly finally get in the car and start making their way to the restaurant. Bratshley tells Nelly that Chris made the down payment on the car for her birthday and is helping her out with the first couple of months. Nelly says, "Well, you must be doing something right if you got a car." Ohhhhh, Nelly. How naive you are. Bratshley interviews that Chris has done a lot for her, but it doesn't equal the relationship she has with her dad. The subtext is that Chris actually expects some responsibility and accountability from her. And that's no fun!

The Lauritas finally arrive, at which point Bratshley promptly gets on her phone and carries on a half-hearted conversation with her cousins before checking out entirely. Not even a flaming pyramid of onions can draw her attention. Jacqueline stands up and finally tells Bratshley to get off the damn phone. She makes a pointed toast and tries to remind Bratshley that everyone is there for her (so stop being a self-centered nitwit).

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Real Housewives of New Jersey




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