And then we are in Chicago for Jaime and Rich's wedding! Everyone rides in a shuttle together, and Caroline looks annoyed as Teresa shows preemptive fear of Jaime's dogs, for the reason that she has sweet blood and always gets bitten. Caroline begrudges the fact that Teresa is being upbeat and happy and cordial while she wants to hang on to bitterness and resentments as much as possible and have them permeate the air in all settings. The motley crew arrives at Jaime and Rich's house, which looks like something out of Hansel and Gretel meets Dollywood. Caroline's mother, Nettie, is on hand already, and we hear Jaime say to Chris that he wishes Dina had been able to make it. Caroline tells us that she holds Teresa responsible for a lot of her fractured relationships, because Teresa puts the wood on her family's fire. In other words, she's a shit-stirrer. Meanwhile, Caroline puts the lid on Teresa's family feuds. What does that even mean? Jamie's fiancé, Rich, is totally cute, as are their dogs. Teresa is still afraid of the dogs, and Caroline smiles as she notes that her own family calls her a bulldog.
We get a mini-tour of Jamie and Rich's house, which is built around a giant tree. You can't even blame Teresa for mixing up her words while talking about this particular architectural feat. Chris Manzo comes out in favor of gay marriage, and also human-tree marriage, and also shellfish eating. Take that, bible! Joe Giudice asks Jaime what type of perfume he's wearing, as Caroline is worried that Joe is going to say something offensive. Yes, I can see where that might be a concern. Jamie points out a craft involving a creepy doll's head that Rich made him, and says himself, "How gay is this shit?" This is Joe's opening to tell a charming story about how he and some kid named Jaime whipped out their dicks in a pool to see whose was bigger, like two gay guys. Jacqueline quite appropriately looks nervous. Also, great story. The rehearsal commences, and Caroline stands at the podium, practicing for when she'll give her remarks about Jaime's struggles in coming out and how far he's come. She doesn't know what to say, and so decides that she'll wing it. Teresa prattles on happily, and Caroline stews. Jacqueline wonders if Teresa even knows that Caroline still hates her.
Back at the Jersey shore, the Gorgas arrive. They have cocktails, and Kathy's friends Heather and Rich show up. Is this Heather's audition for the show? In any case, everyone in the room wants to bone her, especially Rosie. Meanwhile, Joe Gorga tells Rich that he's considering his advice about going to family therapy with Teresa. Apparently, Teresa hasn't yet responded to the text. Joe theorizes that Teresa is probably saying that he needs therapy, which is in fact exactly what happened. Joe Gorga is psychic! Anyway, Joe is ready to seek professional help to heal their relationship if Teresa is willing. Melissa tells us that if Joe doesn't hear from Teresa soon, he should maybe just let it go. But then we would be deprived of seeing their televised Neanderthal family therapy session! Elsewhere, Rosie and Heather flirt while Joe Gorga changes his shorts unnoticed. I'm not exactly sure what is happening right now. Oh God, and then everyone is drunk and in the hot tub. This Heather chick has brought a skimpy bikini along with her, and proceeds to straddle Rosie in the hot tub. Rosie replaces the water that has sloshed out of the hot tub with her own drool while Melissa resents not being the most inappropriately dressed person in the room. Meanwhile, Joe Gorga is obsessed with Heather's 6'9" hot black husband and his probably large penis. I would say that this is the biggest, gayest Housewives episode of all time, but it is too easily trumped by everything involving "Money Can't Buy You Class."