Caroline is taking the Lincoln Tunnel to the bright lights of the big city and taking Barney's by storm. She and her husband have a private shopping experience lined up to celebrate the fact that her husband has lost 70 pounds after a heart attack scare. He looks good. He also looks good in Armani, but that's the easy part, right? Boring! Start cat fighting with the sales clerk or I'm changing the channel.
So Jacqueline is in new mom land and cuddling her baby son when her husband brings up the awkward subject of Danielle. He doesn't know her, but he doesn't like her. He doesn't want her in his life or in Jacqueline's. Jacqueline holds her ground, despite the fact that Danielle didn't call or write or send a Diaper Cake after the baby was born. She won't promise to spit in her face or throw a burning bag of dog poo at her if she sees her on the street, no matter how nicely Chris asks. She may even text Danielle from time to time. The husband shrugs, who has the energy to fight?
Back at Teresa's, Milania, her 3-year-old is getting ready for her first day of school. Zebra stripes, lace, oversized hair bows, silver ballet flats, and a backpack full of (traditional Italian) Ding Dongs are obviously required. Meanwhile, her husband ominously throws an enormous pink stuffed horse into a garbage can, which is obviously symbolic of something. Most likely repressed sexuality. I'm pretty sure Freud would agree.
Danielle has a new BFF. Her name is Kim and she has short choppy blonde hair with dark lowlights, oversized hoop earrings, a lot of zippers, and some serious facelift detritus. So I'm guessing she's a good Catholic girl. After outfitting her daughters at Kim's shop, Danielle opens up to her friend about reaching out to Jacqueline and getting shot down. Kim assures her that taking the high road is still the right choice. Their priest would definitely agree.
At Jacqueline's, it is revealed that her daughter Ashley, who is the sloppy seconds from Jacqueline's first and non-televised marriage, has moved out. Also, she managed to graduate from high school, so huzzah! Jacqueline's husband recommends that she get a job and a checking account, but Ashley isn't quite prepared for such responsibilities. Because Ashley has brought her boyfriend to the house, Jacqueline feels that now that they are all on national television, it is a good time to ask whether or not the happy couple is using contraception. Which would not at all be a humiliating thing to be asked during primetime. Jacqueline of course asks this horrifying question with a wide-eyed innocence like it is completely appropriate thing to ask in the most public of forums. Ashley just blanks out in stunned horror, so Jacqueline asks Derek who just nods meekly wishing to god he had never signed that release form. The second Ashley and Jacqueline are off camera, Chris ominously chops peppers in Derek's general direction and tries to have a man-to-man talk with the fewest possible words.