Welcome back to the Real Housewives of New Jersey, the show that never ends. Never. Ever. Ends. Kill Me! I am seriously considering back-masking this recap with cries for help and pleas to the network to make it all stop. I mean for the love of all that is decent and holy (mostly doughnuts): These women all are either related or hate each other. If I wanted to watch this I would go to my family reunions! And I don't!
Once again we start off the proceedings at Teresa's house. Teresa's house where irony reigns supreme. You see, it is family game night and what better game to play when your real estate investments are crumbling and your shore house is in foreclosure and your marble mausoleum at the Wayne Cemetery has been revoked and your clinging to your shoe collection with your Lee Press-On Nails and you fist fought a woman for even hinting that your house was in foreclosure, too, what better game to play than Monopoly? Oh Teresa, I had no idea you were so fucking funny. Or clueless. Or had such a well-developed sense of the absurd.
Anyway, the Giudices are playing the scene completely straight-faced and not laughing at the irony at all and are instead talking about their impending 10-year anniversary as if nothing hilarious was happening at all. This is some serious Andy Kaufman booger-on-the-face shit this is. Adding to the ludicrous proceedings, Teresa is demanding that Joe buy her a million-dollar diamond ring to mark the occasion. Economy be damned! Bankruptcy, pshaw! Baby wants diamonds! This is so absurd it is practically high art. Really, Beckett would be proud.
Over at Danielle's house, her "friend" Cynthia stops by. I put "friend" in quotes because who greets their friend with a "Hi, hello, how are you?" Not many people as such is usually reserved for recent acquaintances and paid witnesses, or, in Cynthia's case, a hired party planner. Danielle's daughter Christine is almost awesome. She wants to donate all the money she makes at her Sweet Sixteen party to a charity. She doesn't need the money and would rather give it to someone who does. Now that the obligatory college application padding is out of the way, she wants to invite over 300 close personal friends, her dad, and not her little sister. Too bad they are already on Bravo, because otherwise MTV would be all over this shit.