Meanwhile, it's 8:23, and Juicy is still sitting on the couch in his sweats. Teresa admits that things will probably be tense post-christening, though she claims that kind of melee has never happened in her family before. Uh huh. Disproving this notion yet further, Juicy tells Teresa that, if anyone says anything stupid to Teresa, he's going to give them a swift roundhouse to the head -- which he demonstrates on the punching bag in their garage. There is no way this night is going down without incident.
Bonus footage: We get a view into Melissa's underwear drawer when her thong shows through her white dress. One friend suggests that she skip the underwear entirely. Kathy looks on dubiously. Which is really all you need considering what she's wearing.
Caroline, Jacqueline, and the hubbies arrive. Lauren notes how fabulous Melissa's house is and snarks, "For some reason I feel like I was just at a housewarming party [Teresa's] just like this." Melissa takes a minute to traipse down the stairs as she introduces the representative from St. Joseph's hospital. He gives his speech, though I'm sure no one in the room actually hears it because all the important people are either stumbling around drunkenly (Melissa) or wondering where Teresa and Juicy are (everyone else).
Indeed, they're on their way -- at 9:52 p.m. Teresa sees the step and repeat and wonders if they have to take a picture. Well, Tre, given the absence of photographers -- since you're two hours late -- I'd say no. They saunter in and say their hellos as Kathy watches from the sidelines. Rich encourages her not to approach Teresa, but Kathy insists on it -- on the ground the she's "a good Christian." Because schmoozing is a virtue. Kathy makes her way over, where Teresa and Juicy give her the most awkward reception possible. Not one to leave well enough alone, Kathy insists on trying to smooth things over in the middle of a party, even though Teresa is clearly not receptive. She makes an under-her-breath comment of "Now it's nice to see me?" They both walk off angrily thinking the other person has displayed "typical" behavior.
Kathy goes to her awesomely butch sister Rosie to talk trash about Teresa. Rosie is pretty chill about it, but Kathy just gets even more riled up. She takes Rich aside to cry on his shoulder and express how frustrated she is that Teresa has made her look like an asshole. Instead of holding her back, Rich tells his "good Christian" wife to tear Teresa a new asshole. He adds, "Fuck Teresa. Fuck Joe. And if you want I'll burn this whole fuckin' place down." Whoa there, tiger! What happened to easygoing Rich? Somebody took his grumpy pills before coming tonight.