Reaper
All Mine

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Lady Lola: B | Grade It Now!
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All Mine

As usual, subtlety reigns supreme as Sam wakes up for another day of hellmouth-ing off, his hand on a remote for a video game whose on-screen character shouts, "You're dead!" Sam goes to the bathroom to brush his teeth, but lo! Every time he lifts the brush to his mouth, a squirming bug is there. It appears his Secret Talent of the Week will be morning breath. In fact, this week has not so much talent as pestilence, as we soon learn.

In the Bench parking lot, JBL rolls carts while holding an apple in his mouth. In my head, he twirls around on a spit over smoldering coals. Is that wrong? Sam says he's starving because everything he puts to his mouth has bugs on it, so he asks JBL to feed him. (HoYay!) Naturally, Andi walks into the middle of this scene, but wisely chooses to ignore it. She invites Sam to coffee after a lecture at the college. Sam makes an excuse, and JBL covers -- something about bone marrow donation -- then digs into Sam for wussing out of a date with the girl of his dreams. Sam says he didn't want to look stupid in front of collegiates and that it's not a good time to start dating -- on account of the whole Satan's-bidding thing. JBL points out that Sam is lame and has no life, then denies him sympathy. Sam pulls the pest card, taking JBL's hand. A bug appears. Of course, JBL thinks that's cool. Sam 0, bugs 1.

Inside the Bench, Tedager asks Sam if he ever feels lost. Sam doesn't feel the need to answer because "lost" is his middle name. Tedager pontificates that he, too, once had a long, steep road up…to the position of warehouse manager. He had to "shake off some serious addiction problems." Tedager's addictions? Gambling…and shoes. Now that he's ascended to the apron-less life, Tedager's got the remedy for Sam's directionless life -- toilets. He offers Sam a position at Assistant Manager of the Plumbing Department, then puts a nail in the coffin, saying, "I see a spark of the old me in you." When Sam resists, Tedager points out that Sam's pipe dreams of moving beyond The Bench require skills, and that Sam's skills are limited to "tardiness and general ineptitude." Harsh.

Outside, Sam carts around some mulch. He hears whistling and finds WiseGuy in the Garden Center shed. WiseGuy joins the Sam hazing, suggesting that the shed would be a lovely alternative to Sam's living with his parents. Sam ignores him and demands the vessel. WiseGuy notes Sam's impatient tone and asks what's wrong. Sam explains the promotion would seal his fate to be a Work Bench employee for the rest of his lame-ass life. WiseGuy asks Sam what he wants. Sam gives the brilliant response of "Something that doesn't suck."

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Reaper

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