Cash Out

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: B+ | Grade It Now!
Cash Out

The Stooges head to the DMV to deposit the vessel. Yay! Gladys is back! I missed that old bat. However, instead of collecting the vessel as usual, everyone's favorite ribald registrar inspects it, imprints an envelope with a "REJECTED" stamp, and hands it back to Sam. She gives him some paperwork to appeal the rejection. She adds that typical response time is six to eight weeks, then puts a "CLOSED" sign in front of her window and puts on that schadenfreude-y smile reserved for bureaucrats.

Back at 667, JBL and Ben ogle the millions in cash. With the money's help, JBL has already envisioned himself in various cinematic scenarios, from Indecent Exposure to Top Gun. Sam reminds them that the money is not theirs to keep, but they claim that they risked their lives for it. In vain protest, JBL says that, if he can't have the six million bucks, he's takin' Sam's alarm clock. Way to stick it to him!

Later, Sam and Beelzebabe walk and talk about their families. Sam asks if she ever talks to her dad. She says she never met him, but suspects he may be a member of Huey Lewis's backup band, since her mom used to be their groupie. Sam cracks a joke, but she abruptly changes the subject and says her unknown paternity has made her feel like a freak since she was a kid. Sam consoles her, then spots a pet store where they can replace Walter. They pick a fish and head into the store, but their top choice has ominously floated to the top of the tank before they even get inside.

The next day at The Bench, WiseGuy shows up. Sam stops him before he can bug Sam about the soul. WiseGuy informs Sam the vessel was only half full, then shows him a security tape. Before Sam reaped Johnson, he and Hwang partnered back up, so Sam must reap Hwang now, too. As luck would have it, Hwang is the dangerous one. WiseGuy also prods Sam to "stop being a weenie and spend some of the cash." Sam stands the moral high ground, but WiseGuy tells him it was a "victimless crime." As the tape continues, they see Hwang walk through a wall, overpower a security guard, and shoot him with his own gun. "So much for a victimless crime," snarks WiseGuy.

Sam's leaving The Bench when he finds Ben and JBL -- the aforementioned wearing a bangin' new gold velour tracksuit, the latter sporting a platinum "$" belt buckle. They fess up to sneaking into Sam's room and purloining some cash. Sam can barely contain his exasperation, but the others insist it's their money. Sam reminds them that the money poisoned Johnson and Hwang's relationship so badly that they killed each other. The guys don't think that will happen to them, but they promise not to spend any more money. Uh-huhhhhh...

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