Episode Report Card
Sara Brady: C | 108 USERS: B
Mistress Mary, Quite Contrary

After Henry leaves, Catherine tells her son it's her family's money keeping France solvent, so she can afford to let her husband pretend he's in charge. "I'm on your side, always," Catherine says in her spookiest Mommie Dearest way.

And now we meet again the bearded guy who was dreaming of blood. He hands Catherine a dish of something foul-smelling, but comments, "Where she'll put it, he won't smell it. Unless he's a very good husband." This is apparently a medieval fertility aid for Elizabeth to help her spawn sons for the throne of Spain. Catherine asks Nostradamus (!) what his visions say about Francis. His visions are unclear. Catherine elaborates: Will Francis love Mary? Will she love him? How can Catherine control a daughter-in-law who's also a queen? Nostradamus asks if it's the power or Mary's youth and beauty that bother Catherine. She threatens to have his head chopped off for his impertinence.

The coach bearing the four ladies-in-waiting (so, the rest of the Sisterhood of the Traveling Monarchy) arrives at the palace. Trumpeters blow a fanfare and everyone starts running around like mad things. Francis descends a staircase and exchanges a smirk with Sebastian. The four girls get out of their coach and spot the one carrying Mary. Someone watches from a window in a sinister, First-Mrs.-Rochester kind of way.

The ladies-in-waiting curtsy to Mary, then hug her. She greets them as Kenna, Greer, Lola, and Aylee (which is a relief, since in real life all four of them were also named Mary). Greer immediately begins fussing over Mary's hair, so I guess she's been briefed on her duties. Henry comes out to greet the girls, accompanied by his mistress Diane de Poitiers. (Who, in this production, will not be played as twenty years older than Henry, as their affair started when Henry was sixteen and Diane was thirty-five). Diane smirks at Henry while the ladies-in-waiting perv on all the available husbands at court. Lola has a BF back home in Aberdeen, but the other girls are uncertain if they'll ever see Scottish soil again if Mary becomes queen of France. Their job, Greer points out, is to help her cement the alliances that will get her on the throne.

Sebastian strides forward, all stubbly and dashing, and the girls wonder if he's Francis. Mary says he isn't, so when he greets Diane, they surmise that he's her son (yep, Sebastian is fictional, as Real Life Diane had two daughters, but no children with Henry). Catherine nobly stalks down the manicured path and takes her place -- in front of both Diane and Henry. And then Francis finally joins this big happy family tableaux. He bows to Mary and they agree to be on a Christian-name basis and to use the informal tu. She rambles nervously about how much bigger everything seems, including Francis himself. He escorts her to meet his parents.

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