MONDO EXTRAS

"Best Villain"? "Best Kiss"? "Best Summer Movie You Haven't Seen Yet"?? If these are the categories the MTV Movie Awards went with, what in the name of Sacha Baron Cohen was left on the reject pile?

Best Two-Hour Trip To Guiltsville That Was A Total Downer

Best Supporting Role Of Quiet Desperation

Best Original Breasts

Best Adapted Breasts

Best Blowing Of The Minds Of Comic-Book Collectors

Best Underground Buzz Spread Mostly At Pottery Barn

Best Reemergence From Rehab

Best "Secret" Backstage Romance Designed To Distract People From Real Backstage Romance With Fifteen-Year-Old Or Dude

Worst Performance By Tom Hanks's Hair

Best Internet Marketing Campaign That Worked Best On Print Journalists

Best Movie Where Everybody Didn't Even Talk English

Best Evidence That Milo Ventimiglia Is Not The New Sylvester Stallone

Best Barely Veiled Scientology Parable

Best Post-Apocalyptic Vision Where People Don't Take Baths, Which: Gross

Best Randy Newman Song About How We'll Be Friends Till The End Of This Cartoon

Best Plucky Heroine Who Cries And Regrets Doing It

Best Movie Where You See This One Guy's Actual Guts

Best Ending We Kind Of Didn't Get, But Whatever, Man

Best Moody Screenplay By A Lumpy Guy About How Lumpy, Moody Guys Get All The Hot Ass

Best Performance In Allegedly Ironic Tights

Best Performance By A Person Who Would Appreciate It If You Forgot All About That Last Movie He Was In

Best Sex Scene For Watching, But Not For Trying To Live Up To