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The Paris Death Match

Okay, so Dixon's still got the kids at gunpoint. He looks over at Sydney and seems to kind of sort of recognize her. Agent Action instructs his gun lackey to rush on over and get Syd's back with cover fire, but not to hurt her, because he wants to get to know her in the biblical sense at some point in the near future and that would be really difficult to do if she were, you know, dead. Agent Action runs off in pursuit of his non-girlfriend.

Dixon's sort of just standing there, saying nothing but carrying a big gun. Agent Action appears above the courtyard and tosses a smoke bomb down into the fray. Sark makes a break for it as Syd informs Agent Action that Sark has the real Rambaldi ampoule. Agent Action's all, I'm on it! Finally! I get to do something other than sharpen pencils and trade quips with Agent Sean.

Syd runs off as Dixon chases. Sark runs off as Agent Action chases. And we're chasing and we're chasing. Dixon traps Syd in front of a fence and tells her to freeze. Meanwhile, at another fence across the wilds of Denpasar, Agent Action flexes his muscles and lands on the fleeing Sark. Back with Dix and Syd, Dix moves in to frisk and cuff Syd, but she puts an end to that by kicking his ass with a little jujitsu.

As Agent Action's cuffing Sark to the fence, he gets on the horn and asks Spy Barbie if she's at the extraction point yet. She's too busy kicking Dixon's ass to answer. Agent Action nabs the real ampoule and talks to Agent Sean about the extraction and the ampoule and where in the HELL is Sydney. Agent Sean tells Agent Action to not leave Sark until he's secured. Agent Action's still too hot for Sydney to actually pay attention to these instructions.

And Sydney's still too busy kicking Dixon's ass to get to the extraction point. Dixon manages to get in a good swift slice with his knife, splitting wide a small portion of Syd's upper arm. He knocks her down, grabs his gun, and pretends that he's gonna shoot her dead just so we can all go, "No! It's Sydney! Don't you recognize her eyes?!" Agent Action shows up just in time to knock Dix down with the butt of his gun, thereby saving Syd's drawing-room-curtained ass.

He yells at her to go. She goes. So does he. Unfortunately, his jones for Sydney's bod has given Sark the opportunity to escape. Bad Vaughn! Bad boy! You must now strip for Daddy and recite Shakespearean sonnets in French. Do it! Or Daddy will get angry and beat you.

Regina: Get your HANDS off the keyboard, dude. Seriously.

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