Rescue Me

Episode Report Card
Kim: B+ | Grade It Now!

Tommy watches a video of himself in a bar with his former crew, including Jimmy. On the tape, the guys are laughing at Lou dancing with some chick. Tommy wakes up on his couch, and hears some strange clanking noises coming from his bedroom. It's the monster from Lost! Well, it's not like the real answer was any less bizarre. Tommy walks around his apartment, trying to figure out where the noise his coming from. He looks into his bedroom and finds Jesus, trying to remove the spikes from his feet. Jesus turns and calmly says, "Tom. Hey." There's a knock at the door and when Tommy looks back at Jesus, the Messiah is gone, leaving bloody stains on the sheets. That Jesus. So inconsiderate.

Tommy opens his apartment door and finds Paulie, the mentally challenged mascot of his new house, out in the hallway, knocking on every door, looking for Tommy. Paulie cheers when he sees Tommy and runs over. The other residents come out into the hallway and Tommy lies and says that Paulie is his son. One of the residents says, "I'm looking into this!" before returning to his apartment. You know, if they keep threatening that Tommy is going to get into trouble for illegally subletting his apartment, that really needs to pay off at some point.

Tommy rushes Paulie into his apartment and asks what he's trying to do. Paulie says that he heard that Tommy might be leaving the house, so he took the ferry over to convince Tommy to stay. Tommy peeks into his bedroom and sees Jesus trying to clean the bloodstains from the sheets. Aw. I take it back, Jesus. You're very considerate! Tommy busts Paulie on the fact that he's not supposed to take the ferry alone, and then peeks back into his bedroom and sees that it's now empty. Paulie asks if he's really Tommy's son, and Tommy says no. Paulie asks if he's really a firefighter, and picks up a giant knife from the counter, seemingly just because it's there and it caught his eye, not because he's threatening anyone with it. Tommy grabs the knife and says that Paulie is an honorary firefighter. Paulie asks if Tommy is really leaving, and Tommy says he's just talking to some people about the possibility. Paulie thinks he should move in with Tommy, since he's Tommy's son and all. Tommy reiterates that Paulie isn't his son, and tries to explain why that's a bad idea, but is interrupted by a phone call. It's Sheila, and she's distraught as usual, and claims that she's having an emergency. Tommy asks if it's the baby, and Sheila says it's about them. Tommy is distracted by the fact that Paulie has lit a book of matches on fire. He promises Sheila he'll be over there in half an hour, and tells Paulie not to answer the phone or light any more matches.

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Rescue Me




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