Cut to Tommy and Mariel making out in her apartment. Tommy breaks it off and says that he can't do it. Mariel says that he could it he wanted to, and Tommy paces around and says he's got "want up the ying-yang." I didn't really want to think about Tommy's ying-yang. Mariel asks if it's "the sister thing," and Tommy suggests that they get a blood test so that they can know for sure. Mariel seems amenable, and Tommy runs out of there.
The whole crew is sitting around in the breakroom when Chief runs in and says that his wife is having a party. The crew cheers, and Lou asks what the occasion is. Chief says that it's Steve's birthday, and Mike asks, "Gay Steve?" The room falls silent. Tommy says that he has a two-to-three day AA festival to attend. Lou says that he has a bad back, and Franco offers to help him work on it. Garrity stutters and stammers but doesn't actually come up with an excuse. Mike says flat-out that he's scared of gay people. Heh. Franco says he'll be helping Lou with his back. Laura offers to bring the cake. Chief comes back to Garrity, who says he has a doctor's appointment. Chief asks what kind of doctor, and Garrity says, "The, uh, ass doctor?" Garrity's kind of obsessed with asses, isn't he? Chief scoffs that it took Garrity thirty seconds to come up with a lame excuse, and that he won't accept it. In fact, Chief announces, that he's telling everyone they have to attend.
The guys sit in the truck on the way to a fire, eating sandwiches. Mike refers to his meal as a "grinder," and everyone makes fun of him. Did he grow up in Rhode Island? Garrity says it's called a hero, but Tommy says that it's "a goddamn sandwich." Lou announces that they're headed towards a car in a river, and that they'll be the first unit on scene. Garrity and Franco strip down (whoo!) and prepare to put on wetsuits.
The truck arrives on the scene. The car is in the water up to about the bottoms of the windows. Being trapped in a car underwater is one of my biggest fears. Franco and Garrity hop into the water. Franco breaks the car window, and Garrity grabs the woman inside and drags her out. The police show up and give the fire department shit. Garrity swims the woman over to a boat that just pulled up, and helps to get her aboard. Meanwhile, the cops and the firefighters keep arguing with each other. Tommy takes things to the next level when he knocks a cop's hat off, so a brawl erupts.
Back at the house, Garrity complains that the water made him smell like his skin is rotting, and Lou says that they should bottle it and call it "Essence of Ass." Chief comes in and says that Franco "tweaked his shoulder" in the rescue, and Laura took him to the hospital. I can't believe that none of these guys have picked up on that relationship yet, since they seemed to know about Tommy and Sheila about five minutes after it happened. Tommy shows off a police hat that he stole during the fight. Chief yells at the guys for being so combative, and tells them to get into a party mood. Garrity promises to be "festive," and Chief yells at him because I guess that was a subtle gay slur, although God knows Garrity isn't nearly that clever.