Rescue Me

Episode Report Card
Kim: A | Grade It Now!

Tommy notices a list posted on the bulletin board, and reads off names like Liza Minnelli, Geraldo Rivera, and Donald Trump. Lou explains that Billy went in for his first full physical ever, including "a camera up the ass," and that if they find some kind of cancer, he's going to kill everyone on that list. Tommy asks, "In this order? Come on. Liza has to go first, Bill? Hasn't she suffered enough?" Bill just shakes his head. Garrity leans forward and says that the "ass camera" is really important, because his dad wouldn't let them do it, and now he's dead. Garrity asks if the camera was uncomfortable. Bill says, "It wasn't really the camera I minded. It was the crew." Garrity doesn't get it, but Tommy cracks up.

Lou asks Mike if he brought his hepatitis kit back. Mike doesn't know what he's talking about. Tommy says that Mike's class at the academy had an outbreak of Hepatitis B, so Mike needs to leave a urine and stool sample on Chief's desk by the end of the week, or the Chief will be pissed. Mike says that no one told him. Lou and Tommy pretend to be really worried that Mike never got a kit, and Tommy promises to get him one.

The alarm rings, and a woman's voice calls out, "Engine. Ladder. Battalion." Lou complains that the automated system has a woman's voice, calling it "politically correct bullshit." As they all exit, Lou declares, "That voice is the closest thing I'm ever going to come to working with a broad."

The trucks roar down the street. Franco spots a hot chick walking down the street, and Chief says into his radio that they have "a possible Bo Derek." The guys all check her out, and Tommy says that she's more like a Heidi Klum. Chief doesn't know who that is. He clearly hasn't been checking out Project Runway. And he should be.

When they arrive at the fire, some random guy walks by and says that the smell is horrible. Chief tells Tommy, Garrity, and Mike to take Stairway A, and Lou and Franco to take Stairway B. Tommy walks inside and immediately complains about the horrible smell. Garrity asks what it is, and Tommy says with disgust, "It's piss! It's a river of piss. Jesus." Mike asks, "So, there's no fire?" Garrity says that they have to go up, and Tommy agrees that they have to "shoot the rapids." As they start up the stairway, Tommy sees a young African-American boy standing on the landing. He stares, until Billy breaks his reverie and Tommy realizes he was imagining the boy.

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Rescue Me




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