Hi, everyone. My name is Djb, and I'm what you call a "recapper from The Past." I'm excited to sub in for Kim on a show I'm fairly certain I'd love if I'd seen it more frequently than twice in my life. Please be patient. Sometimes Lou is Ken and Ken is Lou. It's confusing, y'all. So Franco punches Garrity out, like, a lot. Since Garrity has started to involve himself in Franco's relationship with Laura, Franco finds his whole life on the downswing. Luckily, it's a problem he has no problem punching his way out of. What else? What else? Tommy has a hot wife who loves him. But it's not real, because she's taking antidepressants. Jealous of the love she feels for him and wishing he could feel some of that love for himself, Tommy breaks into her stash of HappyFlex SP (the off-brand of Zoloft) and starts feeling pretty well himself. I guess he's avoided the extra vaginal wetness warned of in the side effects. You know what does go wrong, though? Tommy falls through a floor at a fire and seems to hurt himself real, real bad. Luckily, a long and cushy commercial break provides an opportunity for his convalescence. Elsewhere, Lou grows closer with Candy, whose real name isn't actually Candy. Which isn't too big an infraction, considering I don't think Lou's name is actually Lou. Why is this show trying so hard to fuck with me? Oh, and everyone thinks Mike is a homo. But everyone but Mike spends this entire episode writing love poetry, so I kind of think everyone but him is a homo. It's fun to talk in fireman language!
Hi, everyone. My name is Djb, and I'm what you call "a recapper from The Past." In my day, three networks ruled the airwaves, reality television was nothing more than a passing fad, Your Show of Shows was the biggest thing going on the Dumont Network, recappers had to take frequent hiatuses due to the ravages of polio, and a young strapping newscaster named Walter Cronkite...actually, I wrote my last recap four months ago. It just feels like a lifetime away from you nice people. Anyway, I'm excited to sub in for Kim on a show I'm fairly certain I'd love if I'd seen it more frequently than twice in my life. Please be patient. Sometimes Lou is Ken and Ken is Lou. But at least now I understand why.
Previously on Rescue Me: last week's episode aired, and everyone was exceedingly entertained.
The park by day. The birds tweet and the breeze blows and innocent denizens of New York City relax in the sun, blissfully unaware of the possible troubles brought about by Denis Leary's somewhat butt-shaped hairdo. Tommy looks at his reemergent family adoringly and throws a Frisbee in an indeterminate direction, but when he looks back a shot later, he finds that they have all disappeared. Dream sequence? Continuity error? Is he playing Frisbee with Jesus? I have learned quickly that nothing on this show is out of the realm of possibility. Tommy wanders around the park aimlessly, calling out the names of his family members as numerous jerky tracking shots indicate that the camera operator is about to be heard off-camera being all, "Sorry, buddy. Wish I could help you out, but we're kind of lost too, here." Luckily for Tommy, just past a nearby knoll, he stumbles upon his wife and kids. They're petting a large dog of some kind while said dog's owner holds the dog on a leash. Tommy's son, who I'll call "Red" for easy reference, begs Tommy for a dog and promises Tommy that he'll take care of him and everything. Tommy promises nothing, responding only, "We'll talk about it."
Garrity puts on a shirt and gets punched in the face. Standing by his locker, his dressing ritual (they must have left out the numerous attempts to put on the shirt that led to him repeatedly trying to stick his head through one of the arm holes) is quickly interrupted by a suddenly-appearing Franco, who just plain clocks the hell out of him. Garrity recovers quickly because his brain is apparently not formed fully enough to register pain, and Franco asks the strictly rhetorical, "Are you retarded?" Garrity tries vainly to explain: "I was going to the NA meetings and I got caught up the whole 'making amends' thingy." Franco, fanning the flames of a blaze that's just popped up in New York's famed Overacting District, gestures and points, shouting back, "It's not a thingy, Sean, it's a step. And you're supposed to make amends for your own personal bullshit, not mine." Y'know, it's true, and also...oh, wait, he's not done: "Telling Laura I was banging the nurse, while stupid, was one thing. Telling the entire crew that I was banging Laura...Sean, that's like a whole new level of retardation." And just as Garrity seems poised to accidentally take that as a compliment, puff up with misguided pride, and be all, "A new level of something? Thank you!" Franco gets in a last lick: "That's like the Special Olympics of substance abuse." Garrity tries the defense that he was drunk, which inspires Franco to take his next fist right into the locker before he storms out of the room. Don't worry, Sean. The fist will once again toll for thee.