Rescue Me
Rescue Me

Episode Report Card
Djb: A- | 1365 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Rebirth

There's Tommy and Janet and the whole family at breakfast, so I guess that means it's the next...one week later? Did we just get a chyron tell us it's one week later? Lazy, lazy, lazy. It's not as egregious as the "Two Thousand Years Later" subtitle that officially solidifies A.I. as the worst movie of all time, but it's still a pretty substantial time lapse at this point in the episode. I guess that's how long it takes the Selectra XL to kick in, because Tommy greets Janet with a big smooch on the lips and banters with Janet about some flatware, which I'm guessing he wouldn't be that interested in under other, non-pill-stealing circumstances. As Tommy grabs some coffee, Janet confides, "Last night was great." They kiss again, as the kids now look on with some advanced level of horror. Tommy happily bids the kids goodbye, and as soon as he's out of frame, Kid #1 asks, "Is there something wrong with Dad?" Janet volunteers, "Yeah," and Kid #2 continues the adorable patter, "Is he sick?" Janet thinks on it before telling her, "Kind of. He's in love." And then the inevitable pause, before Red pipes up with the question we're all mouthing right along with him: "With who?" Janet indicates herself. Isn't it the best when your kids talk in age order so you always know who to be ready to respond to? And if this scene isn't ever-living proof that they really do say the darndest things.

And here's Laura, being confronted on the street outside of her apartment by Garrity, whom she tells to, basically, quit talking while he's ahead. He tells her he's been "concentrating, like, really hard on what I wanted to tell you." Awwww. So, so wonderfully dumb. Laura checks her watch and warns, "Okay. You have sixty seconds." This type of time pressure doesn't work for Garrity -- he's always seems like the untimed-SAT type anyway -- and he bumbles through trying to say anything at all, getting out, "Franco is..." before Laura busts in with an update: "Fifty-five." All Garrity can do is notice how nice Laura's watch is, which luckily turns out to be a plot development all of its own. She tells him that Franco gave it to her, and he tells her it's really nice, asking her if it's a Rolex. "No," she responds, "it's a Fossil." Garrity asks if that means it's really old (which is funny, but are we overplaying the dumb card this week? Y'all know better than I do), and she tells him that it means he now has ten seconds to just freakin' say what it is he came to say. Garrity tells her that this watch a testament to their love, in comparison to the aforementioned waitress, seeing as all he ever gave said waitress "was a stupid necklace." Well, now he's done it for the forty-seventh time. He tries to back out of having just admitted what he admitted, asking Laura how many more seconds he has. But she responds that she doesn't know, as she removes the watch and throws it on the ground, stamping on it and screaming, "I don't know! Because I! Broke! My! Watch!" With which she storms off in a huff, leaving Garrity behind, asking her, "Well, whose fault is that?" Man. This recap writes itself.

Rescue Me

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