Rescue Me

Episode Report Card
Djb: B+ | Grade It Now!

Candy and Lou (not their real names, which always nice to have in common) finish their NYC walkabout and end up at what I guess is the front door of her apartment building. She thanks him for walking her home and then invites him up, but he begs off with no real destination. She tries again, offering to brew some tea, and Lou looks around at the cartoon heat lines rising off the New York streets and informs her, "It's like eighty-five degrees out." Dude, "tea" means "free hooker sex." Have you never been on a date before? She offers him iced tea instead (translation: "iced free hooker sex," I guess), which he accepts and follows her in for a little iced free hooker afternoon delight.

Tommy gets into his car and discovers Jimmy sitting in the passenger seat. "I asked you," he starts. "Asked you to keep on banging my wife, didn't I? I gave you permission to sleep with my wife." Tommy nods that this is so, but Ghosty keeps on him: " turn her into a full-blown lesbian. How the goddamn hell does that happen?" Tommy purses his lips and tosses back his answer, a casual "Well, you said she wanted a girl, right?" Ha! Oh, that is so by far my favorite line of this episode. Even Ghost Cousin has to laugh, until, that is, he hauls off and clocks Tommy square in the jaw. Tommy recovers quickly, noting, "I'd like nothing better than to get into a big, ghosty walking dead man brawl with you right now, but..." I'm not sure he actually says "ghosty." He might say "ghostin'." Either way, funny. Ghost Cousin threatens, "But what?" but when Tommy looks back to respond, Ghost Cousin is gone. The old "punch and run" is really becoming a popular method of communication in this episode.

Dinner with the whole darn Gavin clan. Tommy sits across the table from Janet, who takes this opportunity to lift her foot up and place it in Tommy's crotch. So much for the homey dinner that the whole family can enjoy. She remains casual, explaining to everyone, "So, I started looking at apartments for all of us." The foot moves slightly, and Tommy replies, "That's good" in a very there's-a-foot-in-my-crotch kind of way. Tommy stands abruptly and says he's going to run to the bathroom, and I'll just bet he is.

CandyLand. Up in hooker-with-a-heart-of-gold's apartment, Candy and Lou sit on a sofa and she asks what he's thinking about. He opts for the most mood-killing responds humanly available: "Honestly? My wife." Candy's sorry she asked. Quick! Offer him some more iced tea! He explains that she pops into his head now and again, "like a ten-second nightmare." Lou is soon to grow awkward, telling Candy, "I should get back to the house." She tells him not to leave and then offers that he can sleep on the couch (the "iced" in "iced tea," I guess), telling him that it'll be fun and that they can watch movies and play games. Y'all add a PS2 and I'm totally coming over. "You like Cranium?" she asks. I do! Lou reminds her that you need four people to play, and she stands and laughs, responding, "We'll figure something out." As she nears a door that, I guess, leads to the kitchen, she looks back at him and plot-develops, "I only have one name. It's Danielle." Lou calls her "Dani," which is not her name and would, in fact, make me kill if someone used that as my nickname. She seems more pleased about it than I would. Ditto about sleeping with Lou.

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Rescue Me




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