Rescue Me
Rebirth

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Rebirth

Back with Tommy, he's done with the bathroom (thank you, helpful flush sound effect!) and running into the bedroom to a nearby computer. But first he stops at Janet's purse and grabs out a vial of pills. Sitting down at the desktop, he calls up the world's largest font-ed Google screen ever (it's more TV-friendly that way, which the owner of the computer must have just inherently known) and types in the name of the drug: Selectra. And up it pops, the homepage of Selectra XL. It's a perfect reproduction of a homepage for an antidepressant, with a logo and some fun facts and a woman smiling and putting in her earrings and just generally able to cope with her life, man. Tommy reads aloud, stopping to make some choice editorial comments: "Selectra XL. Safe and effective antidepressant. Mmmm-hmmm. Reduces anxiety. Stop fretting, enjoy living fully. Improved sex drive...nice! Possible side effects: oily anal discharge...small price to pay. Dry mouth. Increased vaginal lubrication." Wow. Nearly six years writing for this site and there were at least five words I'd never before had occasion to write. Nicely turned, Rescue Me! Tommy thanks God and science for this miracle drug. Then he pops open the bottle and downs one himself, which I would not have been expecting, save for the fact that "Tommy starts taking Janet's antidepressants" was the first sentence in the TV Guide blurb for this episode. Booooo, TV Guide. Boooooooooooo. Tommy puts the pills back in Janet's bag and makes haste out of the room. The con is on! I'll bet this ends totally awesomely for everyone involved.

There's Tommy and Janet and the whole family at breakfast, so I guess that means it's the next...one week later? Did we just get a chyron tell us it's one week later? Lazy, lazy, lazy. It's not as egregious as the "Two Thousand Years Later" subtitle that officially solidifies A.I. as the worst movie of all time, but it's still a pretty substantial time lapse at this point in the episode. I guess that's how long it takes the Selectra XL to kick in, because Tommy greets Janet with a big smooch on the lips and banters with Janet about some flatware, which I'm guessing he wouldn't be that interested in under other, non-pill-stealing circumstances. As Tommy grabs some coffee, Janet confides, "Last night was great." They kiss again, as the kids now look on with some advanced level of horror. Tommy happily bids the kids goodbye, and as soon as he's out of frame, Kid #1 asks, "Is there something wrong with Dad?" Janet volunteers, "Yeah," and Kid #2 continues the adorable patter, "Is he sick?" Janet thinks on it before telling her, "Kind of. He's in love." And then the inevitable pause, before Red pipes up with the question we're all mouthing right along with him: "With who?" Janet indicates herself. Isn't it the best when your kids talk in age order so you always know who to be ready to respond to? And if this scene isn't ever-living proof that they really do say the darndest things.

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Rescue Me

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