Our contestants are reunited, and burning questions are not answered. Instead, we learn that GC almost skipped a challenge because he was looking for the Gabon Popeye's, Probst gives Susie absolutely no credit for making it to the end and getting so many votes, gorgeous Sugar is the audience favorite (but not enough to win the Player of the Game prize, which goes to Bob), Corinne is the audience least favorite and thinks that's something to be proud of, Randy is still bitter about the chocolate chip cookie but is also pretty funny (and, hilariously, brought six random strangers as his audience guests), Crystal really did win a gold medal, Ken recognizes that he got too cocky and that lead to his downfall and Ace still claims that his fake accent is legit. They run out of time before they can ask him about his current legal complications. See you next year when we go to Tecnolohoehhhchtins, Brazil!
We begin the reunion show with a montage of Bob's greatest moments, of which there aren't very many. There's Corinne saying she won't take him to the end (ha ha!), him making the first fake idol, and his many individual challenge wins. Organ music plays us back into the show, making this sound more like a lively church service than a live TV event for millions of viewers. And here's Father Probst, who welcomes us back from the live winner reveal (here's the weerecapletlet: Bob won) and congratulates Bob for managing to win despite being so old. Bob is the oldest winner in Survivor history, which just goes to show that Rudy should have won the first season. Probst asks Bob for the key to his victory, and instead of saying "Sugar. Sugar. Sugar," a.k.a. the truth, he says he was necessary and helpful. Bob is having trouble talking, either because he's nervous to be in front of a live audience like this, overwhelmed to have just won all that money, or has a bad cold that's making it difficult to talk. Or all three. Probst tries to pull something out of Bob and asks about his game plan. Bob says his plan was to fly under the radar and be nice and necessary. You'll notice that he didn't say exciting. You were warned.
Probst asks Bob about his first fake idol. Bob says if he hadn't used it, he would have been the next to be voted out, so it saved him at the expense of Randy. If that's true, then why didn't Bob say that during the Final Tribal Council? That's a much better answer than "I didn't think Sugar would laugh so hard." Probst asks Bob how he made the idol in the first place, and I hope the production crew is taking careful notes so as not to repeat their mistake of having idol-making crafts so close to the contestants. Better yet, let's just get rid of the idols entirely. And this Final Three business. This is the first season of Survivor I've watched that had a Final Three, and I don't like it. Bob says he'd been collecting beads around camp all along, and when he was sent to Exile "Island" the first time, he pretended to yawn while reaching up and grabbing a bunch of beads and trinkets off the Kota team flag. How did no one notice that? At Exile, he found the skull-shaped rock and that was it. Sounds to me like he'd been planning on making this fake idol since the beginning of the game. Probst says everyone yelled at him for throwing Bob's awesome fake idol into the fire, so he's here to say that he managed to get it out of there after everyone left Tribal Council. Way to pull a Skupin, Probst. How brave of you. Everyone claps except for Randy. Ha! Probst produces the fake idol, and it's blackened but still recognizable. Even the leather strap is in good condition. The Tribal Council fire is weak. Probst gives the fake idol to Bob. I was happy to see them reunited until I read about how a ton of stuff from the set was confiscated by federal officials for being full of disease and termites. That fake idol is going to give all of Maine Ebola.